Pollen and Salt
by drunkandkid
Summary: Franky and Matty leaves Bristol after the wedding. Franky/Matty  eventual Mini/Franky *discontinued due to lack of interest*
1. The Night Starts here

**AN: **Multi-chapter fic. And can somebody talk to me about the series finale? It was vague and something else but I did enjoy it. I've written some parts of this story already, but haven't pieced them all together. I'll update at least once a week thank you for reading

**The Night Starts Here**

"Where are we going?"

Franky hazily glances around her. No clock is visible, but with the pitch-dark sky hovering above their heads, she can easily tell that it's past two in the morning. It brings into memory, random moments when her dads used to relentlessly tell her that nothing good ever happens after midnight. So she missed all of what's after midnight during her life in Oxford.

But Bristol's different. In the morning all that there is, are shadows of themselves. Nothing meaningful occurs during daylight hours. Everyone's hiding in their own coffins. Afraid that people might catch the real them—the ones who appear after midnight, and their snake-skin's shredded to useless fragments by booze and drugs and heartaches. Or in Franky's case, when she's with someone she's half-convinced she shouldn't be with.

They're standing (though more like struggling to keep themselves on their feet) in the middle of a deserted intersection in one of city's darkest roads near Park Street. For once, Franky's not in her usual get-up: a blazer/oversized-tuxedo or suspenders, and back-combed, gel-slicked hair. Instead, there's an obvious shade of eye-shadow that makes her eyes burst like a glowing sunrise. She looks untamed. Free. And thoroughly fucked up.

It's exactly the way Matty likes it. She's looks almost the same when they met for the first time, and had told her she's beautiful.

(Except now her trembling fingers are gripping his hand, instead of a gun that she had claimed to "shoot bullets")

"I have no idea." Matty says. A couple of cars had passed by them, yelling and cursing them to keep off the road.

"Why?" _Why are we here? Why don't you know? Why don't I care that we don't know where we're going? _She tugs at his arm when headlights out of no where burn her sight. Matty grabs her by the waist and gently pulls her flush against him. He slightly leans in to kiss her and Franky finds it so easy when she doesn't have to stand on her toes to meet him. It's easy because they don't have to go any further than this.

"Because," he mumbles against her lips, the smell of vodka and smoke intermingling as he speaks. Franky studies his face for a moment—something she wasn't allowed to do when he was still with Liv. His eyes weren't always too overt, as if on the lookout for harm coming his way. Corners of his lips were drawn upwards, suggesting a smile that she rarely sees on him. It's one of the few he secretively carries around when nobody's looking. When he's on the road by himself and no one knows his name.

Franky muses from time to time, when she will be ready for some things she knew Matty wants with her. When she'll feel normal, without risking to fall off a fucking cliff. A part of her feels like something's left missing to make it—whatever this headfuck thing is—work. She can't help but wonder about what happened with Liv. Even though Matty and Liv breaking up was in her favor, she can't help being curious about what went wrong. They were great together, weren't they? Except for that little hang-up— which was a very disconcerted Nick Levan.

Liv and Matty—they were crazy, similar. Gloriously ungrounded and connected in so many ways. They had their time together. What the fuck went wrong? Oh yeah, _she_ happened. And even though Liv had apologized to her, and everyone's best mates during Grace and Rich's "not their wedding" after party, she feels like the bond they made is still infallible and needs to be proven down the line.

But what does _she_ and Matty have—a dark past that they keep running away from? Not to mention a forest and an intimacy gone wrong.

And what are they? At least Matty knew he loved Liv. He told her that in the presence of Franky, more than once. But she can't remember him telling her the same thing. Undefined—that's what they are.

They couldn't even have proper sex. Matty says he's okay with it. He showers her with feather light kisses when she goes rigid every time his hands go further than agreeable, but they don't always work with Franky. In the back of her mind, it's something she needs to fix.

"We'll go wherever…" Matty reaches into his pockets and finds some pennies. "…our bloody wealth takes us."

She laughs at him. "All we've got is ten nuggets. Plus a ciggy you stole from some bloke's ear."

"And some spliff." Matty adds as he lights a stick. He slowly exhales the smokes over her head, careful not blow right into her face.

"And us." Matty doesn't say anything. He just looks at her knowingly. If she's honest to herself, she never seriously considered being with him until he told her that he couldn't stay away from her. She had been positively sure that he'd choose Liv. After all, didn't they fuck each other feverishly in the first place? She'd seen them—watched them do it. While it was simultaneously inappropriate and disgusting, Franky didn't miss the look on his face as Liv rode him.

"Matty, I—"

His tongue delves into her mouth before she can finish her sentence. He doesn't tell her much. But to Franky, this is enough assurance that she doesn't need anything else from him. She releases a sigh she didn't know she'd been holding. Suddenly, Matty pulls away. He moves behind her and wraps his arms around hers. He's gripping her ferociously, like he owns her. No one's ever tried to be possessive of her, so she decides she's okay with it.

"Here's what we'll do," Matty whispers in her hear. "Ever heard of The Libertines?"

"Heard them, seen them. Why?"

"We'll sing 'Music When the Lights Go Out' together, eyes closed. Then we'll keep turning around until we finish the first verse. When we open our eyes, whatever direction we're pointing to, that's where we'll go."

"You're mental. We're fucked enough to get run over by a car!" But Franky closes her eyes and she starts singing the first lines. They imagine it together, with the music playing in the background, so they begin to sway as they go around.

"Is it cruel to be kind not to speak my mind, and to lie to you rather than hurt you,"

"Well I'll confess all of my sins after several large gins but still I'll hide from you, hide what's inside from you,"

Through all of this, Franky couldn't help but wonder if he's done this with Liv. And if he has, are they doing it better? In her head, a voice keeps on screaming mercilessly like a nagging conscience.

_He just wants to fuck you, and then fuck you up!_ But none of this feels like fucking up. Or maybe, this is the good kind of being fucked up, and she couldn't care any less. All she wants to do is relish in this goddamn feeling of euphoria.

"And alarm bells ring, when you say your heart still sings. When you're with me, oh won't you please forgive me."

They can feel each other's smile as they sing together. "I no longer hear the music oh no no no no…"They open their eyes and before them, is the street that would lead them back home.

"Then let's stay fucked together, yeah?" He grabs her hand and they run. As soon as she feels the cold wind on her face, the voice disappears until it is being replaced by one that certainly belongs to her.

_No, Mini. You were absolutely wrong about him._

* * *

Mini watches with a bored expression, as bodies writhe in endless beat. She used to be the one people watch in utter abandon. Watch her not give a fuck while they wish they could have a piece of her. Tonight though, she's not surrounded by friends. There's no one she could use as a protective wall to hide her insecurities. They think she's all that, but nobody knows Mini couldn't dance by herself. Or be on her own in general. She envies Grace for never having to be alone because of Rich (for fuck's sake they almost got married), and Liv for her lack of fear in being alone. Grace tries so hard to keep the gang together, but deep down, she knows she doesn't really need any of them. After all, she's Grace fucking Violet fucking blood. They were the ones who need _her._ Mini remembers when Liv bailed out on them and didn't return until the next day. When she arrived, she was already soul mates with some mystery boy, whose name she didn't even know.

"_Good." _The four-letter word's still ringing in her ear.

She did the right thing, didn't she? She didn't just stood there and watched like everybody else did, when Matty fucked with Franky's head. No, they were too caught up in their own drama too notice how Franky was falling into Matty's trap.

She thought… she thought Franky would listen to her. That when she tells her the truth with conviction and desperation, Franky would just move on. That she'll just forget about Matty. But Mini couldn't blame Franky for ignoring her pleas. She had told her other things in the past, most of them were trash. She knew Franky had already forgiven her for all that, but she doesn't think Franky had also forgotten.

She traces her fingers to the rim of her glass. Somehow, she found herself alone in a club—something she never dare try before.

(But fuck it, she really needs a drink)

So far, she's already turned down three guys tonight. One of them was bloody gorgeous. He was taller and way more attractive than Nick. He had offered to buy her a drink, but she didn't even bother to reply. Pretended she didn't hear him at all.

Now, after she's downed her fourth Stella Artois, she thinks maybe she could use a little distraction. She searches the crowd, hoping that maybe he's still around.

Several seconds passed, someone pokes at her shoulder. She grins mischievously, expecting another candidate for a hookup. She looks over her shoulder.

She's a bit surprised to see Nick. Disheveled and half-trashed. Worse than she'd seen him at the almost-wedding.

"Fancy seeing you by yourself," Nick slurs, putting a heavy hand on her head. Mini wretchedly swats it away.

"Fuck off, Nick. I'm having the worst night."

"Look, Mini, I'm not looking to pick up a fight."

"Then what do you want from me?"

Nick pauses to think. He's way beyond fucked to want anything from anyone. "Maybe you could help me with this, mate?" He shoves a bottle of Absolut right into her face. Mini scrunches her nose in disgust, as the smell of alcohol and sweat descends.

"You fucking idiot. Do you really expect me to help you with anything?"

"Come on, Mins, don't be a twat."

She doesn't bother to come up with a retort. In one swift move she hurls her drink at him.

"Fuck!"

"Look who's the piss-soaked twat now. Tootles!" She gets up and starts walking away. Nick decides to go after her.

Five minutes later, they're dancing.

* * *

It's like old times, except it's not. It's platonic, without being boring. Mini concedes, that maybe she misses Nick a little. It seems like such a long time since she had real fun with him. They're both drunk and Nick's high, but maybe it's what they needed to be in order to tolerate being alone together.

With her back to him, Nick's hands are resting lightly on her hips and they sway together. He keeps them their, as another guy sporting a Mohawk haircut comes up to her and starts grinding. It feels good to be wedged like this. This thing—flirting with some tool is just customary for a girl like her, with a demeanor of a fucking model. But there's a vehement churning in her stomach, and the gaze of his fingers on her neck feels like claws digging disturbing in her skin.

She can make this feel _right_. She should just imagine it's someone else and everything will be fine. Besides, Nick's right behind her. If something goes wrong, she trusts him to kick it off for her. Mini closers her eyes—it's easier that way—and leans into him, mustering all her alcohol-boosted confidence to let go of herself completely.

The stranger's getting pretty much too physical, but she's too fucking ramped to care. Mohawk's hands went for her thighs. Mini shivers when feels it's no longer Nick.

"Get your fucking hands off me you git!" She screams, pushing his smoke-scented body off her.

When she turns around, Nick's not far from where he's slutting it up with some girl's cheap arse.

He catches her eyes before she turns on heels and attempts her second walk out.

"Mins, wait!"

They're already outside when Mini abruptly stops. She waits for him to say something, but there's a flicker of fear in his eyes—like whatever that might come out of his mouth would make things worse. Apparently, some of the booze and the drugs had already worn off judging from his stance and the way his face's starting to look like he gives a fuck.

"You should've known I wasn't just some girl you could fuck with. Unlike those toerags you were snogging inside the club." She's forgiven him, but somehow, it still offends her to see him feel up some girl right in front of her.

"I'm sorry."

"And you say that now?"

Nick presses his lips together. At that very moment, he realizes that he's never apologized to her for sleeping with her best friend. "Maybe it doesn't matter now. But I really am sorry, Mins."

She doesn't say anything. Tilts her head as she takes a long swig of Nick's seemingly bottomless bottle of vodka. Mini never thought about how it's the only thing she'd been waiting to hear from him. To make things better if not well.

"Alright, I'm ready." Mini says as she stumbles forward, hissing at her 5-inch stilettos.

"For what?"

"To try and be friends again. In all fucking honesty."

Nick smiles in response. Not his usual bright, boyish grin that almost reach his ears.- the one he wears quite a lot when they were still together. But they're appropriate for the time being. Maybe someday he'll be able to give Mini that version of his smile again.

"So... you and farm boy are best mates now," Mini says wistfully. "Who would've thought?"

"I guess a lot has changed since... Well, since Franky arrived in town."

Mini detaches herself from the wall clumsily. She curses her shoes one more time and removes them. Now out of her killer heels, she's way shorter than Nick.

"Mins, are you ok?"

She fiddles with the phone in her pocket. No new messages. "I'm fucking great," She vigorously nods her head. "Walk me home?"

Nick takes the bottle from her hands and finishes the rest of it.

"Absobloodylootely."

* * *

She's lying in a hay stack when she opens her eyes. Last night's a blur, just like yesterday's and the night before. Matty's gone, but he's left a note saying he's gone out to smoke. It's a habit of his, while other people's first routine in the morning is to take a piss. She crumples the paper into a fist. The mornings were also the same.

Franky checks her messages for the first time since she and Matty left college to go nowhere. Most of her calls where from her dads, angrily demanding where she is and then pleading for her to go home. Her stomach twists into knots. They love her and have never failed to show it, and this is how she repays them. She calls them and feels relieved when the answering machine greets her. She tells them she's sorry and that she's fine.

Other than her fathers, there's one more who has kept on choking her with calls and text messages.

_Where are you? - Mini_

_You're with him aren't you? - Mini_

_Fucking call me back Franky, or I'll bloody murder you with a pitch fork. We haven't seen you in a week.- Mini_

_Franky, just let us know you're okay. Grace is worried. And so are the rest of us. - Mini_

Mini's slurring in the last one. "_Hey babes, where the fuck have you gone? I.."_ There's a sound of somebody crashing and then she hangs up. There are 13 others left but after the first five, she doesn't think she wants to know the rest. She skips to Grace's calls, smiling softly when she hears to concern in her voice. Franky turns off her phone, as Matty approaches with a bag of bagels in his arm and a box of cigarette in the other.

"Matty, we need to get back tomorrow." Franky says without looking up.

"Why do we have to?"

"I..." Frank searches her thoughts. The truth is they never have to go back to Bristol. Her dads are going to kill Matty if they ever find out she's with him the whole time.

"I have to go back for my fathers."

"Ok. But for how long?"

"Probably until we finish the school year? A month from now, I don't know. I just need to sort out some things."

Matty will understand. He always fucking does and it's killing her every time she purposely takes it for granted. He sits beside her and takes her hand. His palms were enough to comfort her from the cold mid-winter chill.

He murmurs into her ear. "Promise me?"

Franky takes a long breath. Holds it. She wants to be absolutely sure before she locks herself to a promise. But seeing Matty's face start to crumble a bit when it's takes her too long to respond, she gives in. She finally lifts her gaze to meet his.

"Promise."


	2. Welcome Home  Part A

Author's Note: First of all, I hate writing parental scenes. Second, sorry I had to split this chapter into two parts, it seems right that way. Finally, did I tell you how much I hate writing parental scenes? P.S still looking for a beta :( (and also thank you to my readers :) and to my pilot reviewers: Blue-Eyed-Blonde90 , They-Call-Me-Orange , Lied89 , inflection and mj :)

**Welcome Home **

They haven't changed the locks, so Franky steps inside the house cautiously, similar to a cat lurking into a dog house. It's funny—how her current situation reminds her of all the times she's sneaked into school without getting noticed at all. Her dads used to joke that her degree of skill in hiding could easily land her a rank in the army of England. She practically had numerous practices in the past, especially from those atrocious girls who were a little too obsessed with ruining her life every chance they get.

(But they both knew that given the choice, Franky would be better off if she'd never lived like that at all)

It's dark inside, except for the scarce amount of light peaking in from the back door. She takes a long breath, smells the room. Even for a short time, she's grown accustomed to every surface of every corner, to the creaky floor board of the house. So this is what being home feels like.

Franky tiptoes towards the stairs. She'd only been gone for a week, but it seems as if everything around her looks quite different in some way. It makes her speculate if they had done minor re-decorations that didn't suit well with her—or had _intended_ not to suit well with her.

Though maybe the house seats in the same way she left it. Maybe, she's the one who now appears to be slightly deviating. Franky rushes to her room, as the thought of being an intruder in her own home seeps in to strangle her. She makes it to front door. Reaches for the knob, when—

"Halt!"

_Fuck. _Franky flinches and closes her eyes, heaving. She curses under her breath before turning around, staring at her feet—they seem pretty odd in boots (which she had just started wearing). She keeps her face downcast, refusing to meet their eyes.

"Explain yourself young lady."

Franky is silent under their scrutinizing gaze. She had already practiced this scenario with Matty. They were fried as usual, but she had acted her part well. She'll tell them she's just confused (she's not). Then maybe, she'll be crying the whole time too (because tears were somewhat a free pass to forgiveness). But she's weary of lying at every turn.

"Well?" Geoff, her older dad, says.

"I'm not going to give any excuses for what I did," Franky murmurs, her head aches from searching the right words to say. "It's bollocks. I know it's not enough to merely apologize but still I'm... sorry."

"You're right, there's nothing you can possibly do to make up for this. And we assure you, that this incidence shall never happen again. Not under this roof. Not under our watch."

"We're terribly disappointed dear," Jeff says meekly.

Her lips quiver slightly, she's tempted to say something—anything to account for what she running away—but thought better of it. She simply needs to remind herself that she shouldn't give too much shit about what they think of her. After all, she wasn't even a Fitzgerald two years before.

"We've never restricted you to anything, Franky. We try to stay out of your way as much as we can. It's always been hard for us to be mere spectators, but as long as you're not doing anything stupid with your life we're alright with it."

"I just wanted to find out something about myself." That much, she could tell them.

"And you couldn't have done that here?"

_No—this place fucked me up the worst. You shouldn't have brought me here._

"And you risked losing our trust to fool around with some boy?"

Franky finally lifts her head to face them. She's never mentioned Matty before. They've only met Grace, Liv and Mini.

_Where the fuck did that come from? _

"This is never happening again. You won't do it again, won't you Franky?"

She wants to tell them, yes, I'm done now with this bollocky soul-searching crap, I'm going to stay forever. But wants to quit lying, and if she couldn't start with herself, then maybe she can start with the people around her. Franky hears their sighs. Long, exasperated and disappointed. She wishes she could protect them from all those, but by now she's figured out that they're not something she can prevent someone from feeling.

Not even her self.

"Tomorrow, you go back to college. You leave at eight, and we expect you to be home by five. No friends coming over, especially that Matty boy."

Franky doesn't answer, merely nods and locks herself in her room.

Everything's in place. Her bed's not made; the blanket's hanging by the edge of the mattress; some of the pillows are on the floor. Her clothes are lying on one of the dusty cardboard boxes that she'd forgotten to unpack. But she likes it that way. She's grown accustomed to the large brown cases she sometimes uses to sit on when the bed feels too soft and comfortable. She picks up one of the stick figures lying lifelessly on the main road of her paper town.

Franky addresses the wooden doll, presses the tip of her fingernails to its solid neck.

"Tell me everything you know."

* * *

It's past midnight when she phones Matty, and after several rings somebody picks up.

It's Nick. His voice is thick and she can tell he's not happy to find out it's her calling.

"My brother's not here. You might want to ask your dads why."

Then the line goes dead.

* * *

In the morning, Franky doesn't get up. Lying on the bed, with dark circles fairly visible underneath her eyes, she breathes in and out. Except for the slow rise and fall motion of her chest, she as good as dead. Perfectly impassive in a straight line.

She wasn't able to sleep the whole night. It has to be her insomnia's lurking in again. And when it takes over, it sort of makes her mental. Bizarre.

She only wants to be normal.

So she climbs off the bed, sets up her stage and readies her camera. Taking up this hobby had cured her nocturnal habitude in the past.

She skips college and doesn't leave the room for the rest of the day.

* * *

It's a party in the most conspicuous sense. There's enough alcohol to make it rain all night. Enough drugs to get everyone high for the rest of their lives. And the place—it disgustingly reeks of sweat and smoke. People are groping each other in frenzy, if not practically having sex at every corner of the room. Mini's nowhere near drunk after a shot of tequila that some stranger offered. But already, the crazy lights bouncing through the walls (and oh god, the _smell_) are making her nauseous. She resents Liv for dragging her here. But they just recently began repairing their relationship, and this is her effort to make it work.

It's a fucking orgy if you ask Mini. And she's only fucked one person in her life, so she's still isn't used to this kind of setting. It still bothers her to see and hear people jumping on each other's bones like wild animals in heat. Mini turns to her right and sees two couples humping each other's brains out. _Ew, gross._

This drives her to think if she's really meant for this kind of lifestyle. Sometimes she wants to question why clean fun is boring. Why they need to get faced in a bowling game (and get kicked out for it afterwards). Or remove her clothes piece by piece if she's done something that someone declares, 'never, have I ever done this shit'.

(Not that she's a fucking saint. She's done a lot of horrible things)

It's a dare against the world. For their meaningless standards and proud morals. But fuck all that. They say that having fun is in the heart of fear. If this is true—Mini thinks—then fun isn't happy.

It's something else entirely.

"Mini!" Someone yells her name. She looks over her shoulder and spots the gang minus Nick and Liv.

(She rolls her eyes at the thought of Nick finally getting it on with her best friend. Well, good for them)

The first thing she notices is Grace, pulling off her metal-headed alter ego while Rich awkwardly follows close behind, apparently uncomfortable of being seen in his new haircut. Rich brushes his flip to one side and Alo snickers, earning him a painful jab in the stomach.

"Have you seen Franky yet?"

She cringes at the mention of Franky's name.

"Franky's… coming? Is this a joke or what?"

"I fucking look like a kid with cancer and that Bieber's wig," Rich says breezily. The look on his face makes Mini want to yawn. And it's not even an old man's bed time yet.

"Rich, for the millionth time, quit being a wuss about your hair," Grace slaps him playfully on his forehead and turns to Mini. "I think I saw her looking out the window the other day. Her dads were there..."

Mini's no longer listening the moment she hears of Franky's return. Her mind goes blank, only to be filled with Franky. She's back. Earlier that morning, while she's jogging around the neighborhood in her sports bra, she could have easily passed by Franky's house, but she didn't. Mini can't help but smile a little at the thought of her being safe. Fucking really safe—not hopefully. Not anymore.

Second thing: she's fucked. Yes, more than anything, she's glad that Franky's home again, but she's afraid of how things would go when she sees her. And ever since that incident in the bathroom at Grace's not-wedding…

Mini shakes her head, pushing away those thoughts that she has dubbed to be off limits.

"…they practically begged me to convince her to go back to college. I think something's wrong."

"Have you talked to her already?"

Grace shakes her head solemnly. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go see her."

"I-I think she wants to be left alone for now. We should give her some space."

"Bollocks! She obviously needs our help, Gracie."

"Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. She'll come to us if she wants to, Mini. Just like before. Take some time off from worrying, will you?"

"Some chick's jiggling her tits in my direction. I'm not bailing either." Alo chimes in, licking his lips dramatically.

"Whatever, we should really see how she's doing. We are leaving. Now."

Mini yelps when all of the sudden, Alo grabs her by the waist and carries her over his shoulder.

"We've got a fun police right over here! Jail her! Jail her!" People around them join in, bawling loudly to get Mini inside.

"Wait, there's really a solid, metallic box case in here somewhere?" Rich asks, giving a shit about something else other than his hair for the first time.

"Shut your cakehole, Alo, or I swear to god I'm going fucking—"The crowd sweeps her off his arms and soon, hands are grabbing her _everywhere_ to carry her off the party. Mini's screams of 'fuck off' drowns in the crowd's nonchalant shouts. "ALO!" She shouts one more time before disappearing around the corner. They march out with Mini fretting above their heads.

"Catch up with us later, Mini!" Grace calls out, but Mini can no longer hear her.

It's all in good fun.

* * *

This dungeon- it's worse than a poorly maintained loo in a marketplace. For a good five minutes, she screams at anyone to get her the fuck out of it. But it's pointless, as each one of them just stares at her with a smug look on their faces. She has to fight back the urge to spit on their noses.

It feels like shit in here, like the time she almost had sex with Nick because she has nowhere to go. It's like she's been pulled again to that little room where there's nothing but her reflection- exposed and vulnerable.

Mini figures she can wait a little while longer. Maybe it's just what she needs: something to barricade her for being herself.

* * *

Nick shows up with the keys later. He doesn't look too well, but he's smiling. (Mini can guess that whatever he took must be quite strong, judging from how he seems too fucking happy about himself)

"I can't believe they locked you in a cell. Everyone's fucking ballistic in there."

"Nick! Thank god you're here. You can tell farm boy I'm going to bloody murder him. Now please, let me out."

"Not for another hour, Mins. No can do." He says, as he works around the keys to unlock the cell. Mini frowns in confusion. "Party rules." Nick explains simply.

"But," He steps inside and sits beside her. "We can share a spliff while you serve your time." Nick says, lighting a stick. He takes a long drag before passing offering it to Mini.

"So… Did you tell Liv?"

"I did. We fucked behind a van."

"That's supposed to be good, right?"

"It feels bloody brilliant. But no," Nick says. "She's still totally hung up on him."

Mini makes a funny sound, like she's about to snort but starts weeping instead at the last minute.

"What a load of cack. Seriously, is Matty a wank magnet or something?"

Nick smirks. "My brother, he's a fuckhead but he just gets you, you know?"

"I don't see it."

"That's probably because you hate his guts."

"Probably."

He laughs and puts his arm around her. It feels heavy around her shoulders, but she doesn't mind.

"Nick Levan. Who knew you could be so fucking great when you're not somebody's boyfriend?"

"You mean when I'm not your boyfriend."

She smiles solemnly and looks past him. "What's the difference?"

"Really, for the last time, are fucking alright?"

"What do you think?"

"It's Franky isn't it?" Nick says. "I'm sorry, but I caught some of your shits."

Mini just laughs, smokes languidly for a few seconds, and then hands the spliff back to Nick.

"And what sort of fuckery happened then? I don't remember fucking her..."

"Er, don't be such a dick now."

"Sorry," He raises both of his hands defensively. "Sorry."

"Uh... Me? I happen to be a self-centered, controlling bitch."

"Don't brood on me like Shakespeare now."

"Something's wrong with me, ok? I can't... I don't know what it is. But it's fucking us up."

"You'll fix it, Mins. You brought the gang together when you made us all crash Liv's apartment that one time. And you also made Rich participate in a fucking awesome group hug. You make things happen."

Mini wishes she'd broken up with him sooner than she had. She never really knew him until their fallout.

"Come on now, let's go dance." Nick says, getting up on his feet.

"You know I can't dance."

"Then you're lucky to have me," He offers his arm to her like a real gentleman. "Shall we?"

* * *

Mini takes his arm on the way out, but she doesn't return to the party. For a few minutes she watches them all together, a stranger from outside looking in. They feel like they're a thousand miles apart from her, but in reality, they're just at the opposite end of the room, drinking and possibly licking drugs like popsicles. She wishes nothing more than to be like them. To be untouched. Beokay.

Or just be.

She walks home, but decides against it when she remembers that her mom will probably still be there. She can't stand her. Not when she's trying so hard to be someone she's not—Mini.

So she sets off somewhere else.

* * *

Mini ends up in Grace's favorite place. They used to hang out there a lot - her, Grace and Liv. At least, before college happened. She thinks she kind of misses the way things were before.

Her legs are dipped coolly, the water sitting still just below her knees. She watches thoughtlessly how a single movement of her foot sends tiny vibrations across the entire pool. How something as light as the touch of the tip of her toes, disturbs the peaceful stillness of the water.

A few seconds pass when she hears the sound of footsteps approaching. There's someone in here.

Mini hurriedly gets up and dries herself, before who ever with handcuffs and a bat catches her. She tries to run, but the sole of her foot is still clammy so she slips—_shit_!—and her whole body's thrown into the pool—_fuck!_

She promptly swims back to the surface (and fuck, it's hard when you do this in heavy clothing) and finds herself face to face with the newcomer.

Instantly, she recognizes the blazer, the back-combed boyish hair and that look that have always made her curious.

_Franky._


	3. Welcome Home Part B

**Welcome Home Part B**

There are moments like this, when you're absolutely sure of things that may never come together the way you want them to, but something happens to prove you wrong. Mini thinks those coincidences—they must be coincidences for a _reason_. Otherwise, then why brought her here (and it didn't even belong to her_,_ its Grace's_)_? All night she's waging wars with unfavorable circumstances and herself, but then it happens. Except, she wasn't expecting the kind of state she's in right now: drenched from head to toe, her hair sticking all over her freckled face, mascara running down from her eyes. She knows she doesn't have to stand in front of a mirror, to realize that her current appearance is nowhere near decent.

Mini's clueless of what to say, even more so of what to do next. What seems to have been buried a week ago, now creeps freshly under her skin because more than anything, she wants to rush towards her and—what, give her a fucking hug? She's not sure where they left things after the not wedding after party. Series of phrases roll through her mind all at once. _Hello. How are you? Where have you been? I hate you for doing this to me. You look amazing. I miss you. _It's taking its toll inside her head, so she's thankful when Franky eventually breaks the silence.

"Here," Franky says. She removes her jacket and offers it to her. "Take it. You might catch a cold if you hold on to that… all over the gaff piece of shite." She points promptly at Mini's top that is now clinging translucently to her shaking body.

She doesn't realize she's cold until Franky mentions it. She mumbles a small 'thanks', and turns her back on her. Moving her fingers to the hem of her soaked shirt, she freezes at the last minute when it dawns to her that she's about to get naked in front of someone she's kissed in the past. Is she supposed to run off a fucking shed or something? Changing in the girl's locker room is never a big deal, because fuck, she loves it when they're fuming with jealousy over her gorgeous body. But _this_, there's no way she understands the protocol for undressing in the presence of someone she's had intimacy with—well, at least in some level.

She shifts her eyes at Franky, sees her scooping the water mindlessly. Eventually she just turns around so that her back turned on her. Fucking fine, she'll change out of her wet undergarment here. Whatever, it's not like she's even ugly. If there's something she has that's worth exposing to the world, it could easily be her jugs. Her top goes off first; following which she reaches behind her and unhooks her bra. Franky's right—it's much less cold when she's finally out of her wet clothes. Or maybe her skin had started burning up at the thought of doing this right in front of _her_. Mini puts on the jacket and it surprisingly fits alright, takes a deep breath and smells Franky's perfume on it.

"What were you doing here?" Franky asks. Her tone of voice is unusually prosaic, like she can't be bothered anymore.

"I..." She could tell Franky how she had a hell of a night. One second she's crashing some cheap party, the next she's being carried off it and into metal box that badly imitates a jail cell. But it's all pathetic, really and she can't let Franky know she's a mess or that she might just be mental after all and maybe it's because of her, but she's done with being dependent on other people's feelings. Not since she renounced her virginity for it. "I got lost, I guess."

Franky merely stares off into space. It unsettles Mini—how she's so fucking more silent than usual when she should have taken the time to relate her missing days. But instead, there's nothing. She just leans over the pool, studying their distorted reflection. It's ironic how it correctly mirrors Mini's predicament.

"I never thought I'd see you here," _Or possibly ever, no, not since you went on a hideout that's not necessarily related to my recent hangovers, and now you're making me feel like I should just bugger off because I'm not fucking worth it._

"Grace brought me here after you-" Franky falters for a second, not quite sure if she needs to mention their ugly past that involved a lot of word vomit. But she's quick to hide that moment of uncertainty, and suddenly, it looks to her as if Franky had built a cold hard wall around herself without anyone noticing. "—After I went to your party, Grace took me here along with Rich and Alo. This is where I first thought that Bristol's actually alright."

Mini smiles a bit—just a tiny upward curl of the edges of her ample lips, testing the waters.

"You're back."

"I guess I am."

"But today, in college, I don't think I've seen you." Mini says wistfully.

They exchange a look and Mini catches a hint of averseness in her eyes, as though she's figuring her way out of this point in their conversation. She reckons that Franky might as well avoid her if they plan to continue this kind of talk. "Things are not okay. I've been restricted, don't know for how long."

"You mean like ground you? Is that sort of thing still relevant these days?" If teenagers were anything in Bristol, it's certainly not grounded.

"They spent half of their lives in the military. Climbed a few ranks too."

Mini's mouth forms a small '_o_', getting the idea that even though they're assiduously charming (they bake for fuck's sake, and it makes Mini want to trade them for her mom any day) and not at all intimidating, they have – without a doubt—have made hardy men fall on their knees (or have done much worse).

"So… How did you convince them to let you out tonight?"

"I didn't," Franky's says monotonically. "I climbed out the window. Almost fucking died in the process."

"Fucking, yeah?"

"No. I'm trying this new dress it's called 'joking'." It makes her snort—this kind of Franky. Such a badass.

Mini laughs. She's fucking mad—no, she's furious—at Franky right now, but they're laughing and it almost makes it all okay. It's probably too soon to ask, but she can't help it anymore, so she does.

"Why did you leave? Was it something I said during Gracie's not wedding—"

"It's not what you did or did not do." Franky interrupts before Mini could mention _it_.

"Then tell me. Quit making me guess. This isn't some fucking college exam."

Frankly stares at her squarely, and Mini can see the transition in her demeanor- it reminds her of when she had mentioned Matty and how Franky's obviously smitten(and of course she didn't care at all- yeah because Matty wasn't fucking with her head yet).

What she didn't understand as why she's suddenly the bitch, when it's all but an honest observation.

"I don't think it's any of your business."

"I kind of think it is. I'm your—"

"My best friend? It's what you're telling everybody now, yeah?"

Mini opens her mouth. Pauses. _Yes, that's who I am, you're just gonna have to fucking deal with it_. But she can no longer say it out loud, not when she already feels rejected by the tone of Franky's voice.

"You left a bunch of… rather confusing phone calls."

Fuck, why did she have to mention that?

"Confusing? Shouldn't I be the one telling you that when you didn't return any of them. You couldn't give a fuck about your friends who are just concerned—"

"Bullshit, Mini. Nobody gives a fuck. Just leave me alone and stop trying to control me."

"Control you? Is that how you see it? That minger dragged you out of home, away from your family, your friends, from yourself!"

_From me, _Mini wants to say. But she doesn't want to make seem like this is still about her. Because it's not. "You're better than this."

Franky finally snaps. "You don't know me, okay? Stop thinking you do, because you don't know any better. Nobody does."

"No, Franks. I refuse to believe that. What's you is not this." Mini grabs her shoulders, keeping her in place. Right here, where Mini can see her and touch her and maybe do something more, if she's not a huge coward. But it's not like she can make her stay, it's just that she's not going to let her be so easily.

"Fuck you."

Mini shudders. Franky says it nothing like the very first time she hears those directed at her. It lacks venom and rage. In fact, it lacks any kind of emotion at all.

"Matty. He's not good for you. Your dads agreed. He's fucking poisoning your mind."

Mini bites her tongue, instantly regrets saying it. Franky's shoulders suddenly tenses, knows something's up. Mini thinks she's heedless of the things that count most of the time, but she's not stupid and maybe, she can read Mini well enough to know that she'd been hiding something from her. Franky glances at her sideways, after what seems like an eternity of glacial silence.

"Did you…" Franky takes a deep breath, her voice quivering. "Did you tell on me?"

It's like all the noises in the world shuts up. Mini's face goes rigid. Her lips quiver, plausibly in conflict of how she'd answer. Her eyes were no longer pleadingly staring right into her own, but downcast and glassy. Noticing the movement on Mini's throat as she swallows hard, Franky knows right away that whatever Mini decides to answer will be utterly useless now. Her actions blatantly speak the truth. Her words better not fucking betray them.

"Franky, I did it because-"

"Thank you. That's all I needed to hear. But, fuck you." Franky begins to leave, when her wrist gets caught in a tight grip. Mini's finger nails had dug into her pale skin. Franky pushes her

Mini looks at her in disbelief. All she had been trying to be was a good friend. All she wanted was for Franky to feel that she deserves better.

Frank starts leaving, her hands rubbing against her arms furiously because fuck, it's cold and her jacket is on a girl who just betrayed her trust. Mini hastily gets up too, chases after her.

"Franky! Just listen to me, please."

Franky abruptly backpedals, and they're all of a sudden so close to each other, that Mini can't tell whose heartbeat's drumming frantically in her ears. Mini expects her to take a step back, to put some space between them. But Franky doesn't, just tilts her head to meet her eyes, making Mini's knees buckle.

"It's enough to tell me I deserve better. A little over the line when you said Matty just wants to fuck with me. But you just fucking crossed the line when you inappropriately went to my dads and told them about him."

"I only did the right thing."

"You did it for yourself and your constant need to fuck with other people's life. You don't know what you did, Mini. They sent Matty to a penitentiary for questioning."

_Good. _"Maybe it's for the best."

Franky's lips curve into a smile. Humorless. Mocking. Just when Mini thought she couldn't see the worse of it all, she sees this—and it cracks her resolve because she can't bear being on the receiving end of this look.

"What do you want me to do? I'll do anything, just..."

"Get Matty out," Franky says firmly. "And stay away from me."

Mini watches Franky walk out, reeling. They're just words. Language she learned to use when she was little. Yet it stings more than all the beatings she received from her step father several years before.


	4. Shadow of Ourselves

**Author's note:** I can't believe it took me this long to update. I'm so sorry, I just had the longest 2 weeks of my life. Got caught up in work, Frisbee(making a career out of it), directing a play and still trying to get as much sleep as I can. Yeah, excuses, excuses. But here it is...something from the not-wedding. Thank you for your patience and if you're still reading this :)

* * *

**Shadow of Ourselves**

_Several nights ago…_

Franky and Matty walk towards each other in a fashion, which can be compared to a heart-wrenching story that ends with the expensive firework explosions, boasting with pride. Maybe this is what it really is—a fucking glorious ending—_their _happily ever after. It's fucking clichéd in every way if you ask Mini.

Mini's drunk. But saying that would be an understatement, because she can barely tell which is which. Where her arms and feet are, where she starts, and where she ends. Her sense of balance might as well be relying on the bodies swaying on and on in every beat of the music. Mini takes a long gulp from the bottle of Absolut she'd been struggling to hold in one hand. Three bottles down, four more to go, making sure she doesn't spoil Alo's skillful efforts to sneak around drinks for each of them. But they're all used to stealing anyway, so she can't really justify her sudden fondness of alcohol with this reason. They fucking own the party, and they don't even know what it's about.

But even at the peak of her mess, she can't help but notice—see from the corner of her eyes—the way Franky's throwing her arms around Matty Levan.

It's has become an old story, really: her jealousy concerning a Levan. First it was Nick, and now it's his fucking brother. Worst of all, she's fucking aware of her blatant resentment towards a mere embrace. It's frustrates her every being, when she's already sacrificed chocolates and bacon so no one will ever make her feel this way. Like someone's better than her. More desirable.

Mini pretends she's high, in full swing just like everybody else in the room, jumping and shouting in sync with the band playing on stage. The people taking over the night like an angry mob looking for revenge. She's just taken a fag a few minutes ago, but seeing this sight worthy of its own stage(it's impossible not to look), makes her want to bail on the band's incredible show and set this place on fire.

Mini watches, glancing sideways, as Franky holds the embrace longer than Mini thinks it should be. She can't help but wonder why Liv (and now Franky) looks so fucking head over heels for Nick's brother (she prefers calling him that, because it's all he is, her ex-boyfriend's 'psycho' brother). In the background, her friends are less caught-up in their own drama. She could hear Alo shouting "cop a feel, mate!" probably to Rich, because she instantly hears him respond, "Alo, you prick! I didn't get married but I still have a fucking girlfriend!"

She somehow envies how they're truly making something out of this night. Mini, however, isn't sure what she's aiming at. It feels simultaneously wrong and right to call this stalking, because it's not—she's her best friend and best friends don't stalk, they just linger. You know, whenever they fucking want and it shouldn't be this weird. Nobody's minding the real world anyway, since the second they stepped inside this party, it's like each of them had silently agreed to just "do and not think". Forget about their different shits and just be off their trolleys. After tonight, they might not even be going back to school come Monday, so why not fuck it up some more? Grace's not going home to the Bloods tonight. While Rich's obviously left to look after a nearly-wasted Alo, she's probably going to stay over at Mini's, or Liv's or probably Franky's—seeing that her gay dads' hospitality comes with free cupcakes and maybe another wedding cake.

Mini's gaze lands on Liv, catches her staring at the friends (or couple now? she hopes Franky's not that foolish) hugging like they haven't seen each other in a long time. Mini moves closer to her, leaving Grace at her failed attempts to get Rich to dance. Well, unless it's metal.

Liv turns to her, wearing a shallow smile like she's exhausted and it's all she's capable of doing for the meantime. For the first time, Mini notices the lines crawling from the corner of her eyes, realizes how much Liv has matured a little too much for her age. It's the drugs, the fact that her sister's in jail and her mom's neglecting her in order to find some spirituality in bollocky retreats every other month or so. It's the fact that she has a little sister to look after when she can't even take care of herself properly. But Mini's more convinced that it's Matty. And she's not going to let him paint those same lines on Franky's face.

And that satisfied smile resting on his lips— it makes her stomach twist. He's fucking enjoying it, his hands gripping at her waist. And it boils all the alcohol in Mini's blood, and she can smell it, sends her a little closer to edge of her senses.

Her thoughts go back to the woods, to when they successfully pulled Franky out of death and into her arms, her head resting softly on her shoulder. The truth was… Mini feels terrible. She hesitated asking if Matty did something bad, not because it's improper to ask, or too taboo to say out loud.

It's because she simply wants to know. But when it involves Franky, her judgment blurs more than the usual so she went ahead and asked, carefully though. And she couldn't deny the desire to hear her say, "yes, he fucking broke me" because then, Matty won't make it to the finish line.

He can't go after Franky anymore. Mini feels sick about thinking this is a race. But she can't overcome being competitive. And after what happened, it seems like he's still leading in scores and just fucking where is she right now? Right. Back at square one.

"You gave up on him that easily, huh?" Mini says, a smirk playing on her lips.

Liv's only reply is, "It was never a fight to begin with, Mins."

And it unsettles Mini, tastes the bitterness on her tongue, as she thinks that maybe she's not in a battle after all.

Then, Mini thinks she hears Liv add squarely in her ear: "Get over it, Mins. There are just some things you can't do anything about, even if it narks you to the bones, ok?"

She takes a swig of what's left in the vial and wipes her lips with her delicate fingers.

She smiles candidly as her vision blurs even more so, until she can no longer see Franky's head burrowing deeper into his neck.

* * *

_Mini._

From the corner of her eyes, Franky feels the heaviness of Mini's gaze, knows that she's looking at them, not in the way that people usually do when they see their friends happy. And that's just it—Franky's happy for once. The tension between her Liv had been relieved. Matty's speaking to her normally, without being in a fucking play, in character(and it's funny really, because she basically dresses the same way Viola does when she's out there pretending to be a boy) and falling in love.

This time, it's real.

She still can't understand why Mini's acting the way she is. Firmly protective, like Mini thinks she's going to break anytime. Liv's the one she should have been worried about. Not her. Liv have been willing to test her limits for, swallow her jealousy and fuck Frank—all for Matty.

(But then she has to remind herself that she almost fell off a cliff, and though it doesn't count because she completely did it on her own, it still in involves a Matty situation)

The crowd, they part like the Red sea from an articulately-choreographed movie. Franky has no idea what she's doing, It just seem like the natural thing to do after somewhat making up with Matty. Coming together like old friends seems facile right now, when all around her feels like a celebration. Getting lost in the woods, failed sex, forgiveness, near-death experience… they all happened to her in one day and it's a miracle that she's still alive and nowhere near mental for that sake. Matty's merely inches away from her. And she knew exactly what she wants to give him. She wraps her arms around his neck, catching him off guard. She closes her eyes, buries her nose further into his collar. He smells like the trees and the earth. Not at all like Mini when she pulled her in a firm embrace as she recovers from her closest step towards death—vaguely of winter and honey.

This feels just right. Maybe in the following days, or weeks (or months—she's not sure) she can kiss Matty like she means it.

Franky pulls away first. Matty's smiling at her, looking at her the way he used to look at Liv.

"Franky?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going away from here." Matty says, his eyes not leaving hers.

"Where?"

Matty shrugs. Apparently, it's not a well thought-of plan and he doesn't care that it isn't.

He moves closer, takes her hand in his rough ones. "Come with me."

* * *

Finally, all the muscle in Mini's body aches and she has to walk away from the crowd, the music, the dance. Her throat's dry from shouting, and the burning sensation from all the alcohol she took is not helping. Her eyes automatically search for a certain girl who couldn't have been taller than her own chin.

But Franky's not there.

So is Matty.

Mini strides towards the bathroom, thinking _maybes_, but mostly _fuck, I feel sick._

* * *

"Franchesca Fitzgerald. I never thought I'd see you throw up." Mini smirks at her from the mirror. The truth is, Mini's way more rat-arsed, gripping the sink to steady her self. Franky turns around, just as Mini finally slides down to the floor, half-laughing and half-groaning, says to no one that her head's being vacuumed from the inside out.

"No I wasn't, I was just… gargling." Franky says awkwardly. How ever weird that was, it's too complicated to explain without baring her teeth in the process. Since she got her braces, she's spent several extra hours making sure it's properly maintained.

Franky kneels beside her, takes Mini's face gently in her hands so she could properly look at her, and inspects her carefully.

"You arseholed, are you alright? Can you walk?"

Mini shakes her head ridiculously way too many, and Franky doesn't get what she's trying to say by that. But she figures that whatever Mini says would just translate to bollocks. "Easy peasy, Franky." Mini giggles when she realizes that it, "fucking rhymed! I can totally do poems now, yeah?"

Franky tries to imagine what sort of literary piece would come out of Mini. She smirks at the thought of it containing words like "super", "for reals" and words ending dramatically with the letter 'y'. She notices Mini looking up at her, sulking, barely able to keep her eyes open. Physically, Mini's bigger than her. But seeing her like this, Franky sees her so small and vulnerable.

And beautiful—if only she doesn't find every _wrong_ thing beautiful.

"Don't move or you might walk into a knife or something. I'll go find Liv to get you home."

"Just stay here. Please?"

Of course she heeds her plea, because she can't really do anything more than to stay and look after her until the alcohol subsides a little, enough to let her walk properly without falling all over herself. But it's also because Mini used this tone, and Franky found herself not being able to say no.

They lie there for awhile, listening to the distant noise of the crowd outside the tiled walls of the room. Mini's practically slumping against the bowl. Franky can't help but help Mini out of it, because the toilet's gross enough to repulse anyone who has a basic sense of hygiene.

She puts Mini's arms around her neck, and it surprises her how much it weighs lighter than it looks. She hooks her other arm around Mini's slim figure, leans Mini securely against her.

"You just wanted to feel normal." Mini says out of nowhere, it comes out surprisingly clear and whole.

"What?"

"You said you just wanted to feel normal. Was that an excuse you used on Matty?"

"What the fuck are you getting at?" Franky shoots back, but decides to drop the matter because really, whatever comes out of Mini's mouth, it's the alcohol talking like a bitch. It's not like she's going to remember any of this anyway. "I should get you home," Frank says, grabbing a lithe arm and places it around her shoulders once again, trying to bury down the thought that this is how everything starts to go wrong. It makes her turn her face away from Mini's as far as she can. But not enough for Franky to not hear Mini's every breath against her ear. "Would you still be capable of giving me directions?"

Franky hears—or rather feels—Mini mumble incoherently. Franky sighs heavily, whispers to herself, "Probably not."

Mini just wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her impossibly closer. Like she'll die or fall without Franky, holds on to her dear life.

What happens next, hits her like a lightning. And she hopes to god that lightning really doesn't strike twice in the same ground.

Mini's on her. Kissing her like their aboard a plane that's about to crash. And Franky can't think about anything else, except Mini's alcohol-flavored lips moving frantically against hers. She has no idea why she kisses back.

_It's the polite thing to do, _Franky tells herself. But in the back of her mind, she fucking swears she wouldn't kiss _just anyone._ At least, not like this.

Franky's eyes are wide open. She sees nothing but Mini's closed ones. Even her eye lids are pretty enough to look at. It doesn't help when she thinks she hears Mini tremblingly whispers against her lips, "I think I crave you." Because she doesn't what that means and it ties the knots in her head more and more tightly.

Something snaps inside of her and she pulls away all of a sudden, right after Mini's tongue darts out to lick her bottom lip.

Yes, Mini's arse-over-tits, and there's a huge chance she won't remember this tomorrow. But Franky's not, and it's slowly creeping into her thoughts. Fucking her up again. Franky can't understand why she can kiss Mini like she's been doing it for a long time. When she kissed Matty, her eyes were tightly shut, anxiously anticipating his advances. It's the closest thing she's got to normal.

But the moment their lips touched for the first time, Franky was a little bit disappointed. She thought she'd finally feel it—the tingling feeling in her fingertips. An explosion of sensations coursing through her body.

It turns out to be just fine.

But she thinks her mind's been ran over by a heavy train when Mini had to kiss her in the bathroom.

Franky knew immediately that something's gone wrong. She was completely okay with a fine kiss with Matty, and maybe in the long run, it will turn out to be great.

Now she just realized that it's not what she had thought she wanted. It wasn't enough that Matty headfucked her, Mini had to do the same thing.

So Franky does the only thing she knows of.

She runs.

And doesn't look back.

* * *

Matty's outside, sharing a fag with Nick.

She takes Matty's hand hastily, pulls him out of the party. Franky doesn't catch the look that Nick throws their way.

They're back in the woods, it's breezy and she's still in that fucking dress that Mini helped her put on. Matty's staring at her like she's grown an appendage in the head and she wishes she has time to explain before she's lost inside her chaotic thoughts.

So she kisses him. Tries to use her tongue, daring herself of things she's never done before. It's weird when she feels his teeth and she slightly tilts her head a little more sideways when she can't seem to put it inside his mouth because their noses are getting in the way.

Franky thinks it looks easier in the movies. And less disgusting. She's not used to kissing this way, and she thinks... it's not like this with Mini. Her thoughts only contained the whys. Why it feels so fucking good. Better than this.

"Fuck," She grips her head solidly, takes several steps away, leaving Matty stunned and breathless for a moment. Concern settles over his features as he cautiously approaches her. He hesitantly puts his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Are you… alright? Did I push you too far to—"

"Are you still leaving?"

Matty simply nods, growing screwy by the second. He told Franky of his plans to leave Bristol and she had wished him, "the best of British to you, Matty." When she said that, he understood why this town will always be home. He promises he'll be back. For Franky.

But when she finally turns around to face him, he can instantly tell that she's changed her mind.

"Take me with you."


	5. Consolers of the Lonely

**Author's Note:** Filler chapter, but needs to be written (not to mention, there's Minky progression (winks) ) I apologize for the delay in posting chapters. I want to update at least once a week, but I've still got a lot of activities going. Hopefully the May month will go easy on me Enjoy.

* * *

**4 - Consolers of the Lonely **

_Morning after, of several nights ago…_

Franky's taste lingers in her tongue, and it's the only thing she could think of, other than the fact that Franky literally ran away from her not-so-subtle-confession. Honestly, it just slipped out of her mouth. She's arsed and Franky's there, looking at her with concern and something else she can't quite put her finger on. All Mini knows is, she can't remember the last time someone's looked at her like that without trying to get inside her knickers.

But Franky…

…Franky just wants to know if she's ok. Mini knows she's not, but Franky makes her better.

Mini can't wrap her mind around _why_ the fuck she threw herself at Franky without thinking. It happened, like a vivid dream, and she knows she can only wake up to the ghost of the kiss. Before she even knew what's happening, Franky's already at the door, hand reaching for the knob. She tries to get up, to go after her because fuck, something's that's too good to be true can only happen for one in a thousand chances. Or maybe never. But it did happen. And now her chance's leaving and it might never return.

"Franks..." Mini calls out, barely above a whisper. She can't let it slip away this easily. But the world spins around her in a dangerous frenzy.

Round and round it goes.

* * *

_I kissed Franky, _is the thought that comes to her mind first thing in the morning. Mini remembers everything, as she opens her eyes to daylight. _How could she forget?_

She's fucked. No. If there exist a curse word that's worse than fuck—that's exactly what she is at the moment. She didn't know what she was thinking. Franky's never given any sign of acknowledging any of her advances.

(Even if she has, Mini doesn't want to believe that Franky's chosen to brush it off and pretend like it's not there)

Mini could just tell her. But in her drunken stupor, she wanted to do something more than tell. She wanted to _show_ it. Actions speak louder than words, doesn't it? Perhaps, maybe if Mini kisses her more, Franky will see. Pass Matty. Pass the best friend facade that they both know is complete bullshit. They're playing some sort of charade. Hints scatter like rain.

_It sucks_, Mini thinks, _how Franky can never guess_.

Mini wants to recall, when it dawned to her that she'd been spending more and more time thinking about Franky.

Maybe it started way before Grace said they're meant to interpret Shakespeare. And that interpretation's through the form of an impromptu kiss.

A kiss. It's simple and conventional in theater. And Mini has no problem with kissing anyone. But from the way she's been looking at Franky's lips reminds Mini that this girl, wearing a thin smile, is not just anyone. Franky's the girl she's tortured since day one, the girl who only showed her understanding and kindness in exchange of hard looks and vicious words. Who never fought back no matter how many times Mini's provoked her to. And somehow, she's pulled into an unknown horizon. Where she loses balance and control because when she tells Grace that "kissing is not in the s-script", her voice breaks. She's scared. Perhaps, of how hate turns to something else that's entirely different in a matter of weeks. Of wow she could feel certain things for someone without knowing exactly _why_. With Nick, she had a number of reasons. The Levans were well-off. He's the captain of the football team, and gorgeous as fuck.

When Mini recites Shakespeare's words, it comes out naturally…

Real.

"_Love sought is good."_

Franky blinks at her, the corner of her lips curling into a small appreciative smile, like she's saying "Yes, Mini, that's it. You're doing great." She nearly forgets the next line, because really, what's more critical than a kiss is the anticipation of it.

"_But given unsought is… better."_

She leans forward. Franky meets her halfway.

Mini wonders if it's possible – to ever have that kind of love, without working too hard to find it.

* * *

How she manages to make it to her bedroom, Mini doesn't know. Maybe Liv took care of her. Or Nick. They always did in the past. Mini—she may be the one thing Nick and Liv had in common—besides fucking. She remembers waking up to the two of them almost spooning, and the feeling of fire burning in her throat as she swallows her jealousy, because Liv got to wake up next to him first, even though nothing happened between them.

Now, she kind of wanted to see them there on her bedroom floor, because maybe they make her feel less alone. Mini lingers for a few more minutes, before she hops off the bed and proceeds to get breakfast. She's not hungry at all, but figures she'd very much need the energy for a tremendous workout later.

There's blueberry cheese cake waiting in the kitchen counter, beside her cereals organized in plastic containers. She recognizes her mother's handwriting on the torn piece of paper beside the cake. It reads, '_help urself_'.

Shite. Today's her mom's birthday and she slept through half of it. It's a common occurrence in this household. Their relationship's less mother-daughter, but more like two strangers sharing an apartment. Her mom's never home, except when she decides to do a few routines to keep her self in shape while giving her daughter random compliments (their conversations largely consist of this) that never feels sincere to Mini.

But the fact remains—she's the only family Mini has ever known. She never knew her dad, and she doesn't want to relive those days when her mom would take home a random scumbag and it always, _always_ ends badly for both of them.

For a second, Mini feels sorry, but that's before her resolve returns and she shoves it down with a tentative taste of the blueberry icing on her finger.

She takes a small bite, mentally calculating the fat calories contained in that small portion of guilty pleasure. Its sweet and creamy taste makes her feel good and guilty at the same time, but she closes her eyes unconsciously, savoring it. It's been a long time since she's had cake that isn't sugar-free.

(And if Mini thinks about it, they shouldn't be allowed to be called that, as they taste like common unflavored bagel)

She lifts her fork to her lips, takes another bite. Her mind wonders back to last night. She remembers something else after the incident in the loo. She remembers staggering, pathetically going after Franky. She remembers spotting her, not so far from where she's leaning to support her weight. Then she sees it: Franky's sense of urgency and how she took Matty's hand in her own and led him into the woods once again.

And that's it. Franky chose Matty again.

Mini doesn't realize she's eaten the whole cake until her fork hits the plate in a ringing noise.

She rushes for the toilet, to throw it all up. This time, Mini doesn't need to put a finger down her throat. Just the thought Matty's hands on Franky is enough to poke her gag reflex.

She empties her stomach into the toilet, one hand clutching her stomach because it's gotten more painful than the last time. It's the cake, the fact that she'd had an adequate amount of food intake, and that's bad. It's exactly what her instructor reminds her repeatedly.

_Good girls don't swallow._

* * *

_Present day_

At eight in the morning, there's a doorbell ring at the Fitzgerald's. Franky couldn't be bothered to go down, despite Jeff's shouts for her to get the door. If it were a few weeks ago, she'd already be dressed in her usual blazers and trousers, ready for college. But Franky's planning not to turn in for another day. She's grown fond of being holed up inside her room, just thinking and occasionally shooting. There were no more boxes, as everything's already unpacked and she's turned her paper town into a paper city.

"Franky! Visitor!" Franky hears Geoff shout from the living room. She slowly gets up, feeling heavy as if there's lead crawling inside her veins.

She's expecting to see Grace, or Alo, or even Liv.

Not Mini though (as with what happened the other night).And most certainly not Matty. Her dads got him arrested—most likely for illegal possession of their adopted daughter.

So when she goes down to greet her guest, it's a pleasant surprise.

Geoff acknowledges Matty sternly, looks at Franky with a warning before disappearing into the living room.

"Matty, what are you doing here? When did they release you?"

Matty simply shrugs, as if all explanations didn't matter.

"Last night. I'm sorry I didn't call you right away. I was a bugger." Matty says.

Franky does him a once-over. He looks quite okay, considering the fact that he was under arrest several hours ago. She never expected him to show up in her doorstep after her fathers had him for questioning. Franky admires his courage for being here, and for that, she thinks she could really love Matty the way she wants to.

"You look like you haven't showered in days." Matty muses out of the blue. She wants to ask him what happened in there, but with Matty changing the subject, she knows he doesn't want to talk about it any further.

"Piss off," Franky snorts. "Unlike you I can't stand not to bathe even for a day."

Matty chuckles softly. Franky is probably right—but only because he used to knock around constantly.

(And not to mention, be homeless most of the time)

"Alright now, quit fannying around and hurry up!" Matty turns her around and starts pushing her towards the stairs. His rough hands weigh heavy on her shoulders.

"Where are we going?"

Franky's hoping it's another train ride to a secluded town in London. Or to somewhere else. Just not here.

"You do remember college, right?"

Roundview is at odds and normal at the same time. Maybe because there had been someone missing for nearly three weeks now, and Mini can't decide whether she'll ever get used to it or not. She sits aloofly on a bean bag beside a couch occupied by Rich and Grace. Across the couple, Nick, Liv and Alo are uncomfortably trying to fit their asses in their small lounge. Since the lovebirds have gotten a little sappy, they've all made an effort not to step on their nest (or simply get caught in the third wheel). Mini understands though, that they can't help it.

They're in love.

"You need to get yourself a girlfriend," Rich says, draping an arm around his own. Ever since they got almost-married, Rich has been extra affectionate. And with his long unruly hair cut off, Mini deems it suits the change. Mini was sort of shocked when she heard Grace tell him never to do that again. If it were Mini, she'd never consider dating Rich, or any metal boy who's got a longer cut than hers. Except she also told herself she'd never be attracted to someone like Franky Fitzgerald. Fuck. Whatever.

"Screw off, smarmy git. Several weeks ago, I was the one telling you to fucking bonk a girl." Alo responds, his cheeks turning into the natural red of his hair.

"We we're thinking," Grace cuts in. "We'd like to set you up with somebody. If you are alright with it…?"

"It's _her_ idea." Rich says in a flash. He's embarrassed enough when Grace mentioned 'we', as he personally doesn't buy into this bollocky cupid thing. But Grace insisted they should "help" Alo for fun or whatever, so he goes along with it.

"Rich just wants to see you happy." Grace says.

Alo turns to Rich, makes a face that pulls his freckles together in a funny pattern. "That's cool mate, I love you too. You've got lovely hair."

Rich opens his mouth to hit back a nasty comment, when Franky and Matty comes in. "Hi guys," Franky greets them carefully. There's a trace of hesitation in her voice, but her eyes—which contains a perfect amount of eyeliner—obstructs it.

Though the tension is thick, it's not the second time Franky turns heads. It's not a surprise that they're all staring at her, as she reflects the same look she has on her second day in college.

For them, it's the first time they're seeing Franky after two weeks of nothing. Mini keeps her head low, sneaks a glance sideways. Thank fuck, they're not holding hands or something.

"Franky," Grace regards her coolly. "It's been a while."

No one comes up with anything else to say, except Alo who gives a gawky comment on how Franky looks more stimulating than ever. To which Franky smiles briefly. Franky sees Mini fidgeting from the corner of her eyes. Dark circles under her eyes smear her delicate features. Franky purses her lips, forces herself to focus on the group, instead of one.

"And where exactly have you been?" Grace asks, putting on a placid smile that's both friendly and detached.

"I had to sort out some things." Franky says tentatively, and she wants to say something more than such vague explanation. Grace's someone who'll listen—Franky knows that for sure. But it's a lot of mess to bring out in the middle of a crowded room. No, certainly not here, where the air is so open it could carry every word she lets out to unintentional receivers.

"Are you ok?" Liv asks stiffly, her eyes settling between Franky and Matty. Franky doesn't know how to answer her without exchanging a look with Matty first. But his face remains passive.

Franky's response is automatic. "I'm fine, Liv. Thanks." Liv's smile is crooked, as she's gotten what she has expected all along—a lie.

Grace tries to break the tightness of this whole predicament as everything's as sketchy as it is. "I see. Hang out later after college?"

"Actually, I have to go somewhere. Maybe some other time, ok?"

Grace merely nods, before taking Rich's hand in her own. Matty. Right. Of course. Franky excuses herself, says something about being terribly late for English class.

Franky walks pass Mini, their eyes meeting for a brief moment before Franky looks away and straight to where she'd headed. Matty follows behind, but watches Mini stoically.

Mini has a strong feeling that he knew—she's to blame for getting him into a fucking penitentiary.

After a long period of silence, Grace muses, "They're totally hitting it off."

* * *

"Mins!"

Nick runs behind her. No longer part of the football team, he looks less sweaty and doesn't smell like it too (for those reasons, Mini kind of not having to meet him after practice).

"Mins, what's going on?" Nick says, swallowing as much air as he can. Mini tenses up, before taking a deep breath. She swivels on her heels gracefully to face him. He's become less bulky and apt unlike before.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Mini answers casually, like she couldn't give a fuck about what he's picking up on.

Nick rolls his eyes, because he's come to know Mini more than she's aware of. "Come on, you can tell me. Maybe the others don't see it, but I've seen you and Franky. Have you guys been fighting again behind our backs?"

"What? No! Everything's good. Great. Fantastic. Super."

Nick's grins at her knowingly—that stupid mocking smile that shows too many teeth—as if he's the luckiest tosser in London. "Whoops, Mins, that's one too many."

Mini sighs. "We have a bit of... misunderstanding."

"Does my brother have anything to do with—"

"He always has. Doesn't he?"

Nick laughs, though it lacks humor. "Is that why you had him arrested? You should've seen his face when those coppers came in with guns in their belts."

"Sorry about that," Mini murmurs meekly. Fuck, he must have been home when his brother was taken into custody. "I fucked up, by all means."

Nick nods. They both knew she should be telling that to Matty.

"Dad loves him more," Nick says all of a sudden.

Mini stirs her head to look at him in a serious manner, because that's surprisingly how this conversation's become. Sure, they make each other laugh when they were boyfriend-girlfriend. But they've never talked like this before. At least nothing ever this real.

"You're the better sibling if you ask me."

Nick doesn't say it, but he thanks Mini with a timid smile. "Nah… I was only mad at him when I told Liv he was a psycho. Besides, it doesn't matter. He screwed up plenty of times but Dad always gives him a chance. I've tried so hard Mins, to be fucking appreciated, you know?"

Mini feels like she's talking to a completely different person. That's when she knows Nick's become more than an ex-boyfriend-turned-friend.

"Is that why you joined the team?"

Nick nods weakly. "I wanted to be better at it than Matty. He's got fucking game."

"Were you able to? Overtake him, I mean."

"Last time I checked, no."

Mini wants to say something more. To comfort him or whatever. Anything that could maybe, change Nick's mind about himself, about his brother. But as much as she wants to, there's really nothing to counter his perception. And there's not much she can think for herself too.

They've both been trying to beat Matty at something. The only difference is the aspects they were competing for. So far, everything's been in vain.

"Spliff?" Nick offers, before he takes one for himself.

Mini takes the joint, puts it between her lips and lets Nick light it for her. She has no idea what she and Nick are doing. It looks to her as if they were consoling each other, but also, being alone together.

"So," Nick starts. "Let's sort out your Franky situation."

* * *

She separates from Nick after nearly an hour of smoking and nothing else. Mini's ready to go home, when she sees Franky, taking tree shots by herself. Mini looks around. There's no Matty, for Franky to run to this time.

For a moment Mini just stands there, out of sight, staring blankly at Franky's every movement. She wonders how it came to this, her world turned upside down. She's supposed to leave her alone, but that's not an option, is it? Franky must be out of her mind when she asked her to. Mini's not going anywhere, not unless all loose knots are tied back together.

She swallows hard, and walks quietly towards the smaller girl.

"Franky." Mini calls out.

Franky slows to a stop after a click of her shot. She turns around to face Mini. She doesn't seem surprised at all.

"I think we need to talk."

Franky merely nods and slips the camera inside her bag.

* * *

They go to a park near Roundview. It's too solemn. Too bright and clear, a refreshing change from the places they usually go to. They chose a secluded bench other a nice shade, sits beside each other, their shoulders barely touching.

It's Mini who initiates a small talk because fuck, the cold weather and the awkwardness of the whole situation's making her feel nauseated. "So, have a hard time catching up with the lessons?"

"Not really."

"I could let you borrow my notes. I actually paid attention, which is almost ridiculous because I usually get by without them. There's a test coming soon and I think—"

"I'm fine," Franky says, rather coldly, but it takes a single glance at Mini to crack her frigid wall a bit. Franky adds softly, "Thanks."

"I did what you asked me to. I talked to your dads so they'd let Matty go."

"I'm glad you're starting to do the right thing."

It cuts. Deeply into Mini's skin, the way Franky makes it seem like she hasn't done anything right until now.

Mini tries to pull something out of Franky, perhaps another of kind entreaty? Because fuck, she doesn't know what to do anymore. "What else is there? Tell me, and I'll do it."

"It's not you Mini," Franky breathes. "I'm the problem."

"Don't. Just don't pull that crap on me."

"I'm—" Franky stumbles on her words. "I'm fucking wrong, alright? I'm trying to help myself, for once. And I can't do that if you're close, if you're doing _this._"

"What do you mean? This?"

But Mini knows exactly what Franky's trying to say. She just wants to hear it out loud. She wants Franky to acknowledge it word for word, because she wants to be absolutely _sure_.

It bubbles towards the surface like deep-seated secret, "You kissed me."

They both understand Franky's not referring to the fucking rehearsals.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Because Franky can't seem to endure it, now when all she wants is to hold on to what she feels for Matty. For what they have, or could have if Mini didn't kiss her with undeniable meaning—the kind that makes her run away.

"I believe I…" Mini's voice breaks as her own words play inside her head _'I think I crave you'_. "…I already told you." She turns to Franky, very much aware of their proximity when her nose almost bumps with Franky's cheek. Franky doesn't move, keeps her eyes on anywhere but Mini. She's wavering by the second, but she can't give Mini what she wants.

When Franky doesn't respond, Mini says, "Are we still friends?"

"Mini, I don't think we're anything." And with that, Franky's head whips around gently. Mini observes Franky's hair has grown an inch, and it takes all self-control for Mini not to lean in and kiss her.

"Why?"

Franky shakes her head. "I don't know."

It's fucking messed up, really. She can't be with Mini and pretend like she's not aware of Mini's feelings for her. Or pretend that she doesn't care about it because she does.

Franky looks into Mini's eyes—notices for the first time that they're blue in this light—there's so much in there for her, but Franky knows she doesn't deserve them right now.

"Will we ever go back to normal?" Mini asks, and it's such a fragile question that sends them both off-track.

Franky whispers, "I hope so…"

Together, they sit in silence, gazing at the sunset until it disappears over the horizon.

* * *

I want to take this opportunity to thank the following:

**Blue-Eyed-Blonde90** – Took me awhile to update again, I think I should be reminded not to post a fic unless it's entirely complete, yeah? Thank you for following this story, I really appreciate it.

**interpol ice** Hey mate! Yes, there's more backstory to come. I'm quite surprised that the story's growing on its own. The plot's gone huge now, I can't even. Lol.

**FrenchJuliett** – Awww,, Thank you for loving this story. Makes my heart melt XXOO!

**Mj** – So here's the next installment! I'm sorry it took me so long to post this. I pushed my self really hard to finish it as soon as possible ;) Hope you're still enjoying this. Thank you!

**Nhilun** – Don't die! You have to read the next ones!

Again, thank you to all my reviewers and readers


	6. If You're Lucky No One Will Get Hurt A

**Author's Note: **We're getting there Thank you for the reviews, it inspires me to work my arse off to get things done. Thank you readers! It's you that keeps me going. Also, if you're on livejournal, list me as a friend? It's drunkandkid. See you there

P.s I'm sure you'll find some typos or grammatical errors along the way. Forgive me, I'll proof read it tomorrow morning, I just want to post this one right away. Enjoy!

* * *

**If you're Lucky, No One Will Get Hurt - **Part A

Nick starts hanging out with her more often.

They're meetings are not necessarily accidental. He just happens to be always there_. _In the afternoon, the house buzzer would ring. '_Not again_', Mini would whisper to herself, before she's greeted with who she expects it to be—Nick Levan with a cheesy grin and a hopeful look that makes it impossible for Mini to shut the door right into his face.

Today, that's exactly how it plays out when he appears at her doorstep.

"Mins! How's my favorite girl?" Mini shrugs off the compliment, grits her teeth to restrain herself from saying a nasty comment on the pants he's wearing—they're too fucking red for her eyes. He doesn't wait for her to invite him in, he does that himself. By this time, Mini's used to having him around almost everyday. And more than she'd like to admit, Nick's good company. It may have been the fact that Nick's lost more than half of his friends, those tools from the team, and it makes her feel somewhat responsible for it. She did call Rider for a pathetic attempt to make Nick jealous, and she ended up fucking things up more than they already were.

Mini tells herself it's all but sweetness and light, akin to a newly formed friendship that requires constant watering in order to grow. Nothing _more_. Though also nothing _less,_ since clearly, it's becoming a habit that's sure to be arduous to put away after some time.

Only, Mini's doubtful of how this fucking works for them. Because if they're not sharing a spliff, taking a fag or passing drinks, they frankly have nothing much to do together. Mini's set an expiration date in her mind for their little arrangement. Besides, their topic's more often solely confined to three people, and they don't talk much about themselves. She gives it about three weeks or maybe until Liv accepts his undying devotion with open arms (which is, as of the moment, very unlikely to happen).

They're playing Bristol Solitaire for what seems like a decade when Mini says, "Shouldn't you be anywhere? And yeah, that means I'm trying to get rid of you."

Nick pouts, and it's kind of adorable for someone who has the potential to be perilous. Back from when they were dating, Mini's known Nick to be harmless most of the time, yet she couldn't get that image of him when he squarely threw a fist at Rider. He was barely recognizable, even to his brother.

"I'm fucking bored, you dipstick. If you don't start thinking of something else to entertain me, then I'm off to slit my throat somewhere else. Unlike you, I don't plan on rotting here." Mini crawls towards the window and spreads it open to let out the stench coming from the fag. "We're not smoking in my room, ever again."

Nick lights another one anyway. Mini sighs in defeat, lets him get away with it. She used to have things strictly under control. Recently though, it's all slipping away no matter how much she tries to hold on to it.

"Fine by me babes," Nick responds after a moment of confusion. He remembers the walls of Mini's room to be purple or pink('it depends if it's under natural or artificial light', it's the first thing Mini says when someone visits it for the first time), or some fucking color in between but now he's seeing red, then green, then finally a mixture of both. It's pretty rad, he thinks, pops another MDMA in his mouth. And all the while, Mini watches him blink rapidly, grinning like an idiot. Nick recovers a bottle of vodka from god knows where and unscrews the cap. He clumsily shoves it to Mini, says, "Care to do the honors, chap?"

Mini gently pushes it away from her. Fuck, no. The last time she got arsed, it didn't end too well.

"Wasting shit here with me won't get you Liv. You do know that right?"

"Liv, Liv, Liv, Liv," He slurs her name a couple more times. "Oh yeah, I've almost forgotten about her, how is she?"

"Really, you're asking me?"

Nick shrugs. "Aren't you supposed to know? You're her best friend right?" Right, of course. AndMini's supposed to know every screw-up Liv's gotten can't tell him though—not even when he's thoroughly fucked up—that they haven't spoken much lately. She can't bring herself to say that out loud, because it's a shame, really.

"She's… well. Liv's alright, I guess."

Nick must have picked up on her uncertainty, when suddenly he's wearing this knowing look. As if saying, 'it's ok Mins, I know the fucking deal'.

But he only cheerily responds with, "Brill!" Thank fuck he's off his face.

"If you're keeping tabs on her, you should probably talk to Grace."

"Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace," Nick repeats her name like earlier. It confuses Mini if he's just fucked, or utterly off his tits that he doesn't recognize awfully familiar names anymore. Mini crosses her arms, waits for his brain to load properly.

"Grace Violet Blood! David Blood's fucking secret daughter, yeah?" Nick exclaims cheerfully. "Now why should I do that?"

"Do what?"

"Something about fucking Grace?"

Mini releases a long exasperated sigh. "Fucking—I said if you want to find out what's up with Liv, you should have a little chatty chat with Grace. Anyway, she's most likely to help, as she likes to take part in people's romantic business."

"Now why should I do _that_?"

"You tell me. Aren't you hopelessly in love with her?" Mini says sarcastically, drops her head to one side.

"Am I?"

Mini doesn't bother responding to that. He's obviously way too much of a fuckwit right now to understand what their on about. She feels strong arms wrap around her, and before she can wriggle herself out of it, Nick's pulling her into a sloppy hug. She can smell the alcohol in his breath, as he exhales heavily through his mouth.

"Personal fucking space," Mini says sternly. "Now."

Nick releases her, scrambles a few feet away from her, laughing. "You know you need as much lovin' as I do, babes."

Mini smirks, because of course, he's fucking wrong about her.

"You better be going now, Nick. My mum's coming home early." They both know that's a lie. Her mother's rarely even home.

"You're kicking me out?" Nick says incredulously.

"Yes I am! Chivvy along now, will you?"

"Fine, fine…" Nick mounts heavily on his feet, wobbles on his way out.

Grabbing his hands, she walks him outside with difficulty as he staggers with every step. "You twit! Don't drag your feet!" Mini hisses sharply, doesn't intend for it to fucking rhyme. Nick covers his mouth with two hands, muffling a laugh as he makes it outside the McGuiness residence. "Don't miss me, babes!" He calls out, right before he makes it to the street. Mini only hums in response, waves a little when he blows her a kiss.

She goes back to her room. Looks around helplessly at the mess they've made—spilled beer on the floor, empty bottles scattered anywhere, and a stash of weed left to be rolled in joints. She makes a mental note not to be home in the afternoon, when Nick usually shows up to coax her into getting wasted.

_Life isn't all beer and skittles_, Mini recalls her mother say when she wasn't so fucked up herself, before she started going out most nights and coming home the next morning. She stopped listening to her mother a long time ago, when lies upon lies started to pile up.

Well, at least that one turned out to be true, as Mini's tired of getting fucked almost every single day.

She reaches for her phone tucked under a pillow, keys in a number. It rings for a few seconds before somebody finally picks up.

"Hullo, Mini!"

"Afternoon Gracie," Mini mutters under her breath. "Nothing. I've missed you too… Catch up with you later? Oh. What concert? Great. Is Fr—" Fuck, it almost slips from her tongue. _Your girl crush is so blatant_, Liv's voice echoes inside her head like a mantra. Subtlety—Mini swears she's working on it. "—yeah never mind, I'll meet you there. Tootles..."

Mini smiles, shuts her phone, and pulls herself together. The Kooks' performing tonight at Colston Hall, and everyone's going to be there. Mini picks up an empty bottle, drops it into a sack.

She doesn't bother to think if Franky will show up.

She'll have a good time. With or without her.

* * *

They're back in the place where they've first met. It's a kind of setup that doesn't require much reasoning. With Matty, it's like he's easily fit into Franky's day-to-day routine, as he automatically tags along wherever Franky feels like going. This time, Franky's taken out her revolver, brings it downtown with Matty. Just like old times.

"Just how long, exactly, are you planning to stay here?" Matty's voice comes soft and distant. "Or have you figured it all out yet."

Franky dodges the question, not of refusal—because she can tell him almost anything. Rather, Franky doesn't know it herself. And the way he brought it up, it only sounds as if he's reminding her of her promise that they'd still leave town together. Franky haven't forgotten that, it's just that it's not on the top of her priority list anymore.

Matty's always going. He can't stay for long.

"What do you keep on running away, Matty?"

"Boredom amongst other things," He says languidly, takes the gun from her hand and loads it. Franky raises her eyebrows, convinced there's an entirely different story behind it. But Matty doesn't say much at all. Franky thinks it's unfair—how much he knows more of her, than her of him. "Why'd you ask?"

"Nothing..." Franky shakes her head, her eyes follows the direction where the revolver is pointing. It's somewhere close to her feet, and she's taken too preoccupied already, that she doesn't care to move an inch, if it all goes wrong.

Matty pulls the trigger. It misses Franky's foot by a hairsbreadth. She trusts that he'll always miss her.

"I've always thought about why you asked _me_ to take you to see your real parents." He hands the revolver back to her. Franky carefully shoves it inside her jacket's inner pocket.

All this time Franky's sure, she's not one to think things through before taking any course of action (with her and Matty's little encounter in the woods to prove it). It's one of the qualities her fathers disliked about her. She could say it's one of the factors they might have considered before adopting her, but they did anyway, and she's somehow grateful for it.

So when Mini kissed her, it shifted her mind's axis. She felt all sort of things she never did when Matty kissed her with equal fervor. His lips had traveled along her jaw line, behind her ear, along her neck and it was… okay. Dry.

Forgettable.

So she kisses Matty again and again, until she could make a memory out of it. She keeps them right where she can repeatedly play it inside her head, so she doesn't have to think about anything else. Or want something else.

"Franky?"

"I'm sorry, I-" She looks at him oddly, honestly doesn't realize she's zoned out for a minute. "What were you saying?"

"Why did you choose me?" Matty asks, as he sits on his knees in front of her. "You could have gone to Grace, or Alo, or even _Mini_." She involuntarily flinches when he mentions her name.

"Because…" Franky's voice trails off weakly. It's only now that she's thought of it. Why it's Matty she had brought with her when she went back to see them.

Franky considers their parallel story line. Like her, Matty's running away from his past (of which she's yet to unravel, if only he would let her in), and maybe he could teach her a thing or two about it. Then maybe it's because she trusts him. Trusts that he won't judge her or whatever, that he would keep her secrets and would take it to his grave if he has to.

She thinks of someone else who would have done it for her. Of all people, it is Mini's freckled face that swiftly enters her mind. And unexpectedly, a train of thought that's altogether chaotic floods her reasoning. Franky covers her face with her hands, sighs in frustration because all along, she knew the truth.

That she doesn't care what Matty or _anyone else_ thinks of her.

That billion fucking years ago, she's never let Mini push her. Never cares if Mini throws cheap insults her way, or shoves her face into a muddy pool.

_Do I look like a dick? _Franky had asked her, small and frail.

_You look amazing, _Mini had said, and it's the beat, the empty spaces that counts. This takes her back to the time when Matty's told her she's beautiful. Two people—who's told her she's _something_, other than a fugly bastard, a loser—Franky responded differently to both.

She had Matty at gun-point. But she believed Mini.

It's becomes apparent now, that she gives a fuck if Mini had told her otherwise. She'd never wear that dress if Mini had said, _'yes, Franky, you look like a dick'_.

"Because you—" _Bloody fucking hell, think fast you idiot_. "You're the one I want, and—"

She has to close her eyes when Matty leans forward to kiss her. It's long, their lips just pressing together painfully. Franky sighs into it, silently thanks him for interrupting her because she honestly doesn't know what to fucking say next. Saying that, it sounded… funny to her. Mushy to some degree, but it's the best she could come up with at the moment. So it's a surprising relief when Matty doesn't detect the hesitation in her voice when she said it.

It's Matty who pulls away. When Franky's eyes flutters open, she's met with a smile.

"Your parents," Matty says cautiously. "Your _real_ parents— they don't fucking deserve you."

Franky chuckles humorlessly, "But you don't know that, do you? I told you, I wasn't right."

"Well who is? Look at me. Do I look I'm alright to you? You can't keep on doing this to yourself." Matty sounds grave. But after a few seconds, he smiles, looks at her right in the eyes.

Franky thinks he's probably right. So when Franky responds, it's completely unrelated to being wrong. "I couldn't stay here just wondering about _them_. Why they gave up on me, what it means for… for who I am."

"How did it go then?" Sure, he was with her when Franky finally gathered enough courage to knock on the door and they were greeted by a pair of eyes which undoubtedly bears striking likeness to Franky's, but he chose to stay out of it. Waited outside throughout the whole fit. Now he wished he had never left her side.

Franky's face is docile when she says, "They offered me tea, which was too herbal for my taste. But it's the kindest thing they did for me that morning…"

There's a long comfortable silence, where Franky can only hear the birds chirping, before Matty murmurs, "I'm sorry, Franky. I shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place."

Franky just smiles and asks ineptly, "Do you have uh… a joint or something?"

Matty shakes his head, raises his eyebrows suggestively and says, "Left them in the crib. You want to get fucked?"

_Yes Matty, I do. _As if her asking wasn't any indication.

* * *

As soon as they walk inside Matty's room, it's not the drugs she tackles but his lips. He's surprised for a moment, but he's quick to kiss her back. He gently grabs her waist while Franky pushes him down, her hands sliding beneath his shirt. Matty's not someone she'd think of as muscular, but he's not soft either. Underneath Franky's palms, she feels the roughness of his skin, the little prickles of his imperfection. She tells herself it doesn't put her off in the slightest.

Matty manages to maneuver them so he's lying on top of her, and Franky can't brush off how heavy he feels on her body. How it feels as if he's pinning her down with nowhere to go. After a few seconds, she breaks away—breathes heavily for air that has instantly become sparse. She tugs on the hem of his weathered shirt and all Franky thinks is, how long he's worn this rag without looking like a total junk. Matty must have noticed the incessant movement of her fingers against his shirt, when he hurriedly stops for a moment to pull it over his head.

Matty helps her unbutton her shirt, and in a matter of seconds, she's in her undergarments. His hands travel down her torso, palming the flesh it could find and it takes all of Franky not to squirm. She pulls him down for a kiss, his mouth searching hers with a need. He needs her. Needs her to respond in a way that she's absolutely sure she wants this.

"Franky…" He whispers in between gasps. With one hand, he pulls her legs apart, just enough so he could fit himself in between her lithe thighs.

Franky's eyes widen when she feels _it._

She rakes her fingernails down his back, living a trail of red that's sure to mark for some time. She feels him moan against her shoulders as he grinds himself and that's all it takes for her bite her tongue and keep herself from screaming.

_It's supposed to feel right, doesn't it?_ His mouth travels from her jaw down to her neck, sucks on her pulse point.

_It's supposed to feel good, right?_ He licks a path further south.

Franky could see light. It's clear as daylight, burning rapidly until it's too bright and her eyes' hurting, until everything finally dissolves into darkness.

She's destitute of vision, staring into emptiness. Her face begins to crumple, and if they don't fucking _stop_ she'll…

Franky crosses her legs abruptly, shoves Matty off her so hard that he falls to the ground with a heavy thud. She doesn't realize she's shaking until Matty grabs hold of her shoulders blandly, sees him pulsing too with every beat.

It's always like this. Franky doesn't know why she's even trying. For a while, it's hard to look into his eyes that has grown heavy with arousal. He whispers words of comfort, but they do nothing for her. "Shh… It's okay. Franky, it's alright. I'm not going touch you. I'm sorry…"

Another fucking displaced apology, a tender kiss on her forehead—she doesn't deserve any of it.

_Do you really want me Franky?_ Matty doesn't say it out loud, yet it's exactly what Franky could read on his face right now. Yes? No? _Fucking maybe._

She's hurting him. She fucking knows it. She wishes nothing more than to make things better. To make this work. Franky hates all of it.

"I want you Matty, I do. I just need more time." Franky's voice is thick. It occurs to her, how she's on the verge of begging him to be patient, as an unexpected urge to rush to the toilet washes over her.

Matty only looks at her with clouded eyes, before he gets off the bed and tells her stiffly that he needs to take a fag in the backyard.

Franky stares after him, clutching the sheets tightly to her aching chest.

* * *

_Acknowledgement:_

I should credit Daphne Loves Derby for the chapter title _and_ this fic's title.

Replies:

**Blue-Eyed-Blonde90** – re disorder: oh, it needs to be included in the story. There's a huge backstory I'm developing for Mini. She fascinates me too, I actually prefer writing her than Franky. Franky's complicated to me, I'm not sure when she's supposed to be angry or bothered. Confuses me, mate. Rant all you want, I don't mind. I like getting reactions from my readers, and for that, I thank you!

**Interpol ice – **You should know I'm an angst whore. I can tolerate fluff in a story, but only for a chap or two. Franky shall redeem herself in the following parts of this chapter I'm feeling better now, though I still can't go to work because I still carry the friggin virus and it'll be worse if my mates catches it. let's hope not.

**FrenchJuliett – **No I do! Thanks if you didn't think it was a filler. I thought it was because I literally had to drag my ass in order to finish Consolers of the Lonely. Anyways, thank you for the love!

**xXColorblindXx – **Thank you, words like that make it all worthwhile.

**Evidentlyours – **Yes, and there will be more Matty-Mini comparison inside her fucked up head.:) thanks for commenting!

**mj**(are there two MJs or just one?)- Your review is a lovely thing to read. As much as possible, I'd like to include them in my fics because I believe they play a big role in the main character's development I'm planning to write more of Liv in the upcoming is... stubborn in some way. I don't think she'll do something just because she's being pushed. She'll come to terms with it on her own. Thank you thank you for reading!

**HellsSaint** – Wow, I'm flattered, thank you! I do that too (reading something more than twice) with fics I really enjoy.

**Super Tash** – Thank you for loving it

**Melissa B** – I feel you But I'm kinda loving this Matty that I'm writing, though I really hate him in the show. Thanks for reading!


	7. If You're Lucky No One Will Get Hurt B

**Author's note: **So while writing this part I was listening to "Sway" by The Kooks. That is all. Enjoy!

* * *

**If You're Lucky, No One Will Get Hurt - Part B**

Franky takes this fucked up situation with Matty in her dreams—his hands and stubbly chin running down the length of her body.

And even there, she always wakes up screaming.

Frank loves him enough to keep on trying. Enough to wake up to a new day and keep on doing what they have been doing for a while. In the beginning, Matty's often apologetic, until after some time it gradually disappears along with assurances that, _'Soon, it will all be okay Franky. We'll just have to wait. I'll wait for you.'_ Franky honestly thinks they are better this way. Really, it isn't Matty's fault. None of this is his fault.

But Matty still kisses her every time she withdraws from the world, and it's barely what keeps her waiting for something to change too.

Yet all along Franky knows.

There must be something at the end of this.

* * *

When Mini arrives alone at the concert, her favorite song's (the only one she actually knows from their entire discography) closing to an end. Mini sighs in frustration, curses Nick in her thoughts for having to clean up his shit for hours. She can't decide whether to kill him, or torture him then kill him. She'll have her vengeance either way.

Several feet away from where she's wedged in between two restless mingers who have been ceaselessly shouting for Luke Pritchard to fucking glance their way, the band's playing in full swing. Already, the crowd's gearing up for an uprising that's bound to end in trouble.

Something bad is going to happen.

"Ow! You bunch of horse-shits!" Mini looks down to check her foot when one of the girls' heels badly lands on her toes. Mini waits for an apology for a beat, so when they acted like she's not even there, she doesn't think twice as she swiftly pulls at blonde hair spitting profanities, effectively taunting her assailant.

"What the fuck?"

Right before she's about to hurl herself at Mini, her equally slutty companion screams all of a sudden, "Gretchen, look! He's serenading us!" Mini rolls her eyes, swears this one's absolutely the unholy child of a hoe and a fire truck siren.

Mini and the girl supposedly Gretchen, turn their heads up the stage, sees the pricky singer leaning towards them. They squeal in unison, forgets about her easily.

Dumb fucking whores. Despite the darkness, the lead's(his name is on the tip of Mini's tongue) wearing aviator glasses that covers half of his face and it's fucking obvious , it's Mini he's looking at with keen interest, singing to her like a mad man on coke (well, aren't they all knackered, who performs sober these days anyway?). Mini moves through the thick course of slick bodies, occasionally wincing.

Not for long she hears someone shout her name.

A smile graces Mini's lips when she spots Grace, then the rest of their mates until her eyes finally land on a petite, looking like a lamb among hungry wolves. The first impression Mini gets is that Franky doesn't fit here. It's always feels natural for her to put Franky against a background of trees and the skies. She wonders if Franky's thought of her in this way too—if Franky's imagined in her mind once where Mini belongs.

Seeing the lights bouncing off the walls, the smoke rising up from the stage allows the illusion of a burning room, an odd feeling creep inside of her.

Something bad is going to happen.

* * *

The concert hall's getting too hot. Too chaotic.

Franky takes off her jacket, leaving herself in a black wife-beater that's faintly damp with sweat. It doesn't make her feel uncomfortable unlike the countless times she's done in college. No one gives a fuck here. Everybody around her can be grouped into two sorts: decent and naked, most of which is the latter. She's never been in a concert before, like in real life, while she's watched plenty of Nirvana and Arcade Fire concert videos. Not one of those footages she's seen can be compared to this.

She can't remember the band's name (though she's certain it has something to do with food)—but whoever they were, she'd rather watch a videotaped performance than a live one. But the rest of the guys seem to be fairly enjoying it, with the exception of Rich who only acknowledges one genre of music as music.

In the midst of everything, she thinks about Matty, worries how far she's gone to hurting him this time. Right after Matty closed the door behind him, Grace called to enlist them for this event. It turns out the college has bought a fair amount of tickets where half of the proceeds will be donated to some charity. David Blood surprisingly didn't hesitate to cover for them (it becomes apparent to Grace that he's try to make up for pushing her into difficult situations recently). Right after the call, she went to the backyard in order to ask Matty if he'd like to come. So when Franky stepped out she didn't expect to find it empty. On the grill though, was a note that he'd gone to run some errands for his father.

Which he never did in the past, no matter how many times Mr. Levan threatens to cut him off. Franky muses if this is his way of being angry. Or if he's decided to abandon her too, just like countless people in the past did. So she leaves him a voicemail. A rather desperate one the she herself doesn't know what to make of.

_This is fucked up. We're fucked up for some time now. Please, let me fix it. _Franky only hopes it's not too late.

Just when she turns her gaze towards some boy that looks familiar, she hears Grace yell, "Mini-moo! Over here!"

She's quick to look over her shoulder and sure enough, she has to hold her breath—and that right there is exactly what gives Franky suspicions of having Alexithymia.

Mini McGuiness in her glittery jacket and daring fishnet stockings. She blends perfectly with darkness and the dancing lights magnificently give a certain accent to her golden hair every now and then.

She approaches them in that smile and a fucking killer heel that adds at least two inches to her already impressive height. Everything's too bright for Franky that she can't look right away. Like being caught up in the magnificence of a sunset, and the only way to escape its enchantment is for it too set. She can't deny the alluring smile, the attractive way she walks like she's still the queen in the middle of a sea of faces. Nothing's really fucking new on her outfit. In fact, it's a bit more muted than the typical. It's no doubt her usual trademark, only it's more… Franky can't decide on the right adjective, but it makes her feel as if it's the very first time she's seeing Mini.

There's a familiar ache in Franky's chest, similar the one she's had earlier today when Matty left her alone in his bed. She's often having them now during fucked up situations like this. Franky doesn't really give a fuck about this band. Soon, they all turn their attention back to the band, and there's a new surge of energy when everybody starts moving to the beat of the music.

Franky stares as Mini sways here and there, wild and almost ridiculous that she has to bite her lip to stifle a laugh in amusement. What Mini lacks in dancing prowess, she makes up for in ardency. Franky's never the one to lose herself in such utter abandon. Not in this kind of noise.

"What you looking at Franks?" It's Alo who snaps her back to reality and fuck, if he'd caught her drooling like a cow, he's not showing any indication that he had.

* * *

Nick's behind her, before she even knows it.

"You've seen Liv already?" Mini asks, though she doesn't count on being heard. She's too lazy to talk anyway. Keeping her mouth shut for the past few days had helped her not to overthink things through unlike in the past. She learned that right after her last encounter with Franky. They were sitting together in the park, when they decided they weren't anything, and together they unconsciously dialed back into being strangers.

It's sad. But it was a good kind of sad.

Nick's reply is instant, "Just awhile ago. But she doesn't want anything to do with me." He moves in front of her, joins her in a goofy dance. He twirls Mini around, eliciting a soft shriek from her.

Despite herself, Mini gives him an apologetic smile. "Her lost and everything, right?"

"Mins," Nick starts. His voice is barely audible now, and trembling. "Just let me do this and I swear I'll owe you a hundred drinks in the future."

"Uh…" She has no idea what '_this' _is all about, but the look on Nick's face is desperate, that she agrees sluggishly with a tweak of her neat eyebrows.

Whatever it is, Nick puts it on hold, says. "Do you see Liv anywhere?"

Mini scans the crowd with her eyes, and yes, Liv's nearby. She nods, now albeit curious what Nick's fucking plan is. He can be a tad impulsive. And most of the time, the consequences are unfavorable.

"Is she watching?"

Wait. In about a few seconds she will be.

"Yeah, she is now—"

Mini doesn't get to finish, when the rest of her words were absorbed by Nick's insistent mouth on hers.

It's over before Mini could even begin to comprehend the whole thing. Nick laughs blithely as if it was the best fucking joke he's ever dropped on Mini.

Out of the corner of her eye, she gets a glimpse of Liv's mildly surprised expression. She's the jealous type, alright.

* * *

"I see you're off snogging Nick again, Mini? That's real classy." Liv clucks her tongue in a way that slightly chafes Mini for its smugness.

"You know that was bullshit. It's you he wants, not me." Mini sends her a guarded look. The last thing she wants is to be fucking accused of anything anymore.

"What makes you so sure?" Liv's eyes bore into her, like knows something that the taller girl doesn't know.

Mini narrows her eyes wryly, says, "He was trying to make you jealous, ok?"

"And that 'fake' kiss you put on for a show, tell me, was that _your_ idea?" Liv tips her chin back, stares at her with a challenge. Mini's face turns rigid, knows Liv's already proven her point, judging by the amused look on her face. As if Liv's caught on to her displeasure, she smiles kindly enough to ease the tension. "Take it easy, girl. I didn't say it wasn't… effective."

"What are you on about?" Mini blinks at her, wonders if maybe Liv's just high and she's playing her.

"You fucking pulled it off," Liv laughs wryly. "Yeah, maybe I want Nick after all."

"Seriously, don't play with his affections. If you'd seen how he's fucking coping up with his problems then you'll—"

"Jesus. Will you slow down a bit? I'm not a fucking bitch, yeah? At least not the sort you're implying, you cunt."

Mini swallows hard. She deserved that. It's not like she's a fucking saint or whatever. She did, have toyed with other people's feelings. Grace for starters, when she decided all of a sudden that she no longer wanted her in the team for her goddamn fashion show.

She apologizes sourly, but it's good enough for Liv to accept it. "You're such a professional at this, why don't you try it?"

Mini's baffled. "I don't think I know what you mean by that."

"Getting people jealous," Liv says as if it's _so _fucking obvious. "You remember your little stunt with Rider? Earned him a fucking blow from Nick, didn't he? So why not make _her_ jealous? Who knows, it might just do all the work for you."

Mini opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out of it. Surely, she's not talking about Franky, is she? But of course, it seems as if Liv knows her too well than she thinks.

Liv shakes her head in mock disapproval, continues with pushing Mini to a dangerous point, "It's true isn't it? You like her for real. Just as I suspected."

Liv starts to go, when Mini grabs her by the arm, pulls her a little too hard back to her previous position.

"You're not going tell anyone, are you?" Mini says through gritted teeth.

"Oh, Mini," Liv relives a breathy laugh, says right into Mini's ear, "What is there to tell anyone anything, right?"

If she can pretend, Liv's very much capable of doing the same thing too.

* * *

Next time some wealthy-looking prick offers her a drink, Mini doesn't hesitate to accept it with an impressive smile. The show's about to end, everybody's drunk, and she's alone.

But it's not long before somebody in a suit approaches her. "You look like you could use some drink, princess." He doesn't look like the big shots Mini has stereotyped inside her head (overweight geezers in heavy jewelry who smell like pigs). This guy, who introduces himself as Rhett, appears like he's just taken a break from Uni to get fucked up for the weekend.

He smiles charmingly at her and Mini can't deny his charisma drawing her in, yet her eyes immediately search to find Franky. She's caught off guard when she Franky already gazing at her in a way Mini thinks—hopes—to be just as wistful. For a few brave seconds they hold it, until Franky finally looks away, just like every other time they've been caught in this kind of engagement.

So she takes into consideration Liv's advice. _Why not make her jealous? Who knows, it might just do all the work for you._

Mini could do that. She's done it before to a handful of ex-boyfriends who didn't give much damn about her.

She takes a whiff of her blood-read drink, its powerful alcoholic smell rushing to her system is enough to make her feel already lightheaded.

Taking a tentative sip, she focuses her sole attention to this good-looking prick. She could definitely use some distraction for once.

* * *

"We're going to the concert after party!"

"Says who?"

"Mini got us in. Apparently, she caught the eyes of some squire who's a friend of the producer." Grace explains. "And he also gifted us with some meth!" Alo snatches it right away from where she's holding it up clumsily with two hands.

"Where is she?" Franky asks. She hasn't seen Mini for several minutes now.

"Who?"

"Mini."

"She's ok. Mini's had a good catch tonight," Liv says casually. "Big style."

There's a sinking feeling inside Franky's stomach, when she murmurs, "I don't understand…"

"Oh, right. I think Mini hooked up with him." Grace chimes in, looking very pleased her self. "It's an eminent improvement in Mini's part if you ask me. I mean, remember that one time she and Franky went after to sodding fatties?"

Liv wrinkles her nose in disgusts, "Yeah, who could get that picture out our fucking heads? Right Franky?"

Grace giggles. "Ready to go? Mini's probably already there."

"We've been crashing so many after parties lately can't we just bail on this one?" Rich complains. Alo raises his eyebrows knowingly at him, making Rich blush in seconds. Lately too, he and Grace have ben spending much more time in his house—particularly in the bedroom, where Alo caught them once.

"Don't be fucking boring Richard." Nick says, slapping him hard on the shoulders.

"He isn't," Alo quickly says. "Trust me mate, he isn't." Alo winks at him as Rich lazily thrusts him the middle finger.

An hour later, they decide to look for Mini when she's answers none of their calls.

* * *

Grace was right. It's Nick who finds her at the back of the pub where concert's follow-up party is being held.

But something's wrong. Mini's unconscious and there are a few bruises on her neck and shoulders.

"What happened to her?" Grace covers her mouth to suppress her panic, but her horrific expression's already mirrored by the rest.

"She's drugged. Somebody fucking drugged her." Nick says as he cautiously puts Mini down on a rented couch.

"Fucking what?"

"It's those very important motherfuckers." Nick hisses.

"V.I.M?"

"Now's not the time for joking, Alo." Rich says firmly and turns to Nick. "Was she already like this when you found her?"

Nick nods, rubs his face roughly with riling hands.

Franky is silent throughout, plenty of thoughts running inside her mind as she stares at Mini's painful state.

Nick's voice schools down to neutral. "We should have gotten here sooner." For a second, his eyes meet Franky's.

But it isn't really the point though, is it? Whatever occurred (and Frank doesn't even want to start thinking about it), could they have possibly able to stop it if they've arrived in this fucking place five or ten minutes earlier? The point is something happened to Mini and she knew—god she knew— somewhere deep down, she had the chance to stop it. If she had asked Mini to dance, or for a drink, or to fucking run away from that awful concert together and never come back… this, this never would've happened.

Liv puts a tentative hand on Mini's forehead, feeling her. "Whatever they made her drink, it's causing the fever." She takes out a handkerchief and says, "I'll drench this in ice, it should help cool down her temperature."

Grace runs a hand through Mini's hair, smoothing down the tangled waves. "I'm so sorry, Mini." She says quietly. She's so grave and guilty, and Franky can't help but feel the same way. Frank clutches Mini's hand, the burning sensation from her skin sending daggers to her heart.

When Liv returns, she carefully places the cold fabric over her head. She kisses Mini's forehead, "Don't worry Mins, we'll take care of you."

"I'll take her home." Nick scoops her up very easily, and Franky catches a glimpse of scowl as he does so—knows instantly what he's thinking. How Mini's fucking weightless in his arms.

"Are you sure?" Liv asks thickly.

"Get some rest, Liv. I can handle this by myself."

Liv is reluctant, but eventually nods at him and mumbles a quiet _'thanks'_. For a moment they stay in there places, as if contemplating the whole even of tonight, before Rich puts an arm around Grace and they both walk out of the pub. Franky doesn't realize she's still holding Mini's hand until Nick finally takes a step.

Franky has no choice but let her go. Her eyes fixated on Mini's serene face. And against her better judgment, she follows them outside.

"Wait!" Nick turns on his heel. They exchange a look. Judging from the way he's grimacing, Franky can tell his indifference towards her.

"Nick is she… Is she going to be alright?"

"Why do you care now? I thought you made it clear to her that you guys weren't even fucking mates. So fuck you, Franky."

There's nothing Franky can say to that. While indignation is the usual reaction she would've had to the fact that Nick _knows _there's something wrong with them, there's nothing more she wants right now than for Mini to be safe.

"Oi, Nicholas!" Alo appears with his van. He sticks his head outside the window, wearing a concerned look that suggest Franky that he knows there's been a dispute not too long ago.

"Get her inside, mate." Nick doesn't waste anytime and places Mini carefully inside. When he's done, he hops in beside Alo. "Franky, let's go." Alo says when Franky doesn't move to join them.

"It's alright, Alo. I'll walk home."

* * *

Franky spurs from yet another nightmare. Except tis night, it isn't from trying to have sex with Matty.

It is Mini's ugly bruises and high fever that gave her images she desperately doesn't want to be real.

* * *

Mini wakes up to the smell of fresh bagels in the morning. A thousand needles prick her head brutally as she makes her way towards the kitchen. It's the first in a long time there's breakfast on the table.

"You should thank that boyfriend of yours for bringing you home," Mini's taken a back to hear her mother at this time of day. "You gave me a fright, thought you weren't breathing anymore."

"Nick's not my boyfriend."

"What a shame, sweetheart."

"Whatever." Mini watches as she puts an ample amount of butter on a bagel. She offers it to Mini with an affectionate smile. "Bagel? When you were young you like to eat them a plenty."

She did. But that was before she started being conscious of her weight. Butter on bagel meant 495 calories to Mini. No fucking thank you.

Mini flees the kitchen, ignoring the stricken look on her mother's face.

It upsets her why she's suddenly acting like she cares. It's fucking hard to believe, when her mother stopped giving a fuck—like all mothers in the world are supposed to—on whatever her daughter's doing several years back.

She takes out her phone, checks her inbox, and starts scrolling down to scan new messages.

She stops on a particular text. It's from Franky.

_Are u ok? _

Mini, without thinking even for a second, hits the reply button. The message came last night, but she doesn't care.

_I am now… Y?_

Not a minute passes by when her phone beeps.

_Just checking if my friend's alright._

Something tells her she screwed up last night. Burned her self, but can't recall a thing. She only knows there'd been a good deal of drinking and the thing she remembers is accepting a Bloody Mary from some bloke. _Brett? Grett? _Whoever the fuck he is.

But waking up to _this, _maybe it doesn't matter much at all to her.

Or that's until she stands in the mirror, and sees the dark and blue marks under her skin.

* * *

Carrying off my replies to the next update. Have a great week everybody Cheer me up and review? :)


	8. When You Find Me

**A/N: **Oh my goodness, I know! More than 3 weeks, and it's finally here. Sorry for the longest hiatus this story has ever encountered.I'm being battered in the office right after I was regularized and well, you know, there's lot of work for me to accomplish. Plus, I've also been busy physically. I just joined a Triathlon team and I've been training I hope you guys are still there. And thank you for the comments on the previous chapter. Love you all. Follow me on Tumblr - .com. See you there!

_P.S. Pollen and Salt (6/10)__, and chapter title is from Joshua Radin song_

* * *

**6 – When You Find Me**

Franky meant it. Before things took a tumultuous turn, they were good mates in the most literal and honest sense. From small talks over make-up and boys (it amuses Franky how Mini can go about the topic for a whole afternoon), it started to go deep. While Mini's always responsive to her musings, she however, would only share a thing or two but nothing more. If Franky could get away with it, she'd be happy to stay friends with someone without actually telling them things that are too personal. It stems from the people in her past who have used her own words against her and though she feels that her friends here are a lot different, she still can't let go of the fact that Mini did post her deplorable secrets along the halls of Roundview.

(Dean was the first to challenge this when he told Franky something along the lines of 'history being the chain that binds humankind together'—she thought it was some philosophical fuckery he invented to tease her and get her to tell him about what happened between her and a girl named Tess—but he's the only person she felt she could've trust all her life)

But then Mini started asking her questions too. At first they were all about her dads and nothing directly related to her, as if she's cautiously aware that Franky doesn't prefer the spotlight's glare on her. She asked Franky how long Jeff and Geoff were in the army of England and how they manage to make the most delicious, sugar-free cupcakes in London and shoot people at the same time. It doesn't take long before Mini attempted to reference her indirectly through these questions until finally, Mini's asking all sorts of things about _her_. And it stuns Franky to the point of unbelief, because she tries so hard to keep things to herself.

If she had to look real close at their progress before Mini went out of her way to throw Matty a can of beer and tell him to fuck off, she'd take into consideration Mini's definition of 'best friend' and maybe, they did came close to that. One day she woke up and Mini's just _there_. Not in a literal sense that they've gone to sporting wild slumber parties of sorts every weekend. Franky found herself becoming dependent of Mini's quiet assurances of comfort. To her slender fingers running up and down her back when she's frustrated over the fact that Matty hadn't bothered to return her calls. She can't help but compare Mini with waking up everyday and not having any second thoughts of her feet landing on solid ground. You don't feel for the floor. It's just there, and would always be there. But then the floor kissed the life out of her, which made things awkward and complicated in the mornings to come.

It took Mini a pretty bad hit for Franky to grow a pair and stop being a cunt, but she finally did the right thing, didn't she? But that's what's been fucking with her mind lately—the guilt that if not for that horrific incident that transpired she'd never would've known that Mini could get her heart to stop beating for a second.

Franky lets out a humorless laugh. Her life's such a fucking cliché. Of course she couldn't be normal with Matty—she fucks up everything that threatens to push her. She can't help it.

Franky knows it isn't acceptable to put away everything she'd built up in Bristol just because Mini kissed her and it felt nice enough for Franky to think about her, about that 2 or 3 second-long kiss once in awhile (though more frequent than she'd originally would for something entirely out of place).

She faced the fact that Mini's part of her life and she can't keep her out just because she thinks she doesn't deserve her. She admitted to herself that Mini's her friend. That she cares.

(And Franky worries _how much_, more than she's willing to admit maybe she cares more than she should. Yet everything's still too raw for her to elaborate on that, not when she feels almost the same thing for Matty)

Franky stares blankly at the screen of her cell phone, waiting for a reply because it might as well be the first step to fixing up whatever it is they thoroughly fucked up.

Several minutes pass and there's still nothing from Mini after her last text message. Franky's tempted to call her, wondering if Mini's changed her mind about everything. It's funny, Franky thinks, how suddenly they've traded places and she's now the one left wanting some sort of response to a critical admission.

Franky keys her phone to silent mode, tucks it under her pillow, not bothering to switch it on vibrate. If Mini never replies, she doesn't want to know.

* * *

Come Monday in the common room, she doesn't spot Mini in her usual place—which is odd, considering the fact that she usually arrives way earlier than the rest of them. Franky's come to memorize Mini's routine without actually monitoring it for a consecutive number of days or committing the crime of stalking. Mini's physical discipline simply included a run while the sun's still not up, which is why during first period, she's most likely to doze off while they discuss Camus or Nietszche or some dead chap's philosophy. Mini doesn't seem to mind though, as it appears that she's always enthusiastic about the idea of asking Franky about it later at lunch. Franky's eyes travel across the room and forth. Matty should be here by now. Earlier, she expected—rather stupidly—that he'd show up again in her doorstep and whisk her away to college because while it's a brilliant idea to get fucked, he's still made a deal with his father and

Franky's trying to make up for leaving with hers. He had assured her they are in this together. Has that changed too? They still haven' talked after he left his own house that day and she as much as she wants to hate him for dealing with their problem this way, she can't help but hate herself more for it.

Her biological parents were right. She's no fucking good to other people. Not to her fathers. Not to Matty. Not to Mini.

Franky is about to approach the people who had come to be her so-called group of friends when she steps back hesitantly. She's being ridiculously bleak more than usual but she can't help but feel a little out of place. She doesn't deserve them in many ways, and it's enough to dishearten her, make her turn on her heel and walk away, but then Alo shouts her name loud enough for every person in the room to hear it.

"Oi, Franky!"

Franky gives him a tentative smile and walks quietly over to them, sensing the tension before she could even manage to take a seat right next to the redhead.

"Hey guys," Franky says.

"Good morning, Franky." Grace greets her pleasantly, like she's the only one who's having it. Rich is wearing his usual everything-bores-me look, and Liv's trying to put up a thin smile in order to be left alone.

"How about you, Franks?" Alo says, raising his eyebrows almost high enough to disappear into his mess of a hair.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"The curious case of Mini McGuiness. We haven't since her since the night she… you know," Alo falters a bit unsure if he's supposed to mention what happened, but then again, nobody really knew except for Mini. "Have you heard from McGuiness yet?"

"I… uhm," _Yes, I tried. I checked up on her like any good mate would do, but it seems like she doesn't want to talk to me either. _"No… I haven't."

"I'm worried about Mini," Grace frowns. "The state she was in that night. Something awful must have happened and she dismissed it when I tried to argue with her into telling me."

"As if you don't know Mini. She'd rather keep us out of it… at least until it becomes apparent enough for everyone to recognize what's considerably blatant to begin with." Liv says, looking pointedly at Franky. Franky recognizes this look—the one Liv gave her during the evening they learned about David Blood and how she has a room that incredibly reminds Franky of Disney. It's exactly the one she wore when the words 'who are you into at the moment' spilled right out of her mouth without much consideration. Liv never dropped a name, but it sounds accusing enough to render her speechless for a moment.

"I think we should just wait for her to come around." Franky says.

Grace shakes her head. "No, we have to do more than that—"

"I'm sorry but I have to agree with Franky on this one." Grace looks at Liv questioningly. "The more we give attention to her issues and push her at it, the more she'll act as if nobody understands her and pull us a "leave-me-the-fuck-alone" bollocks."

"Actually, Liv, that's not really what I—"

"All I'm saying, is Mini will tell us what happened when she realizes nobody gives too much fuck, okay?"

"What the hell, Liv? Are you seriously holding this against her?" Grace glares at Liv incredulously. It reminds Franky one of the few occasions where Grace would throw a fit that completely disagrees with her sweet nature.

Alo shifts in his seat uncomfortably and turns to Rich and asks, "Are you hungry?" To which he only responds by shaking his head curtly. Alo lets out a weird noise as if he's trying to communicate with Rich in English Morse code but give up soon enough to grab Rich's shoulders and drag him to his feet. "Oh come on and get up you lazy prick. I need my daily doze of cheese dogs. See you later, ladies."

Rich kisses Grace on the cheek before Alo frantically pulls him hard.

"Please don't make a big deal out of this." Liv says as soon as they were gone.

"But it is, Liv! You were there, you saw her. She was drugged."

"Yeah and we do coke all the time."

"That was different, she was—I can't believe you. Will you stop being a bitch for a second so we could all help Mini?"

"You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Look, I left her a couple message the past few days and she's ignored them all. What am I supposed to do now? Besides, Nick's probably taking care of her now." At this, Franky whips her head so suddenly that she worries for a minute it might break from the action. Franky can't help the sick feeling in her stomach at the mention of Matty's brother because she knows exactly what Liv was trying to say.

Franky suspected it ever since she saw Nick Levan's face as he carried Mini to safety. There was a different energy running through him that Franky couldn't quite put her finger. It's like he was tremendously horrified with what he had found but also greatly pleased with himself for being the one to save Mini from it. And now at the thought of this, Franky recognizes the alarming feeling in her stomach.

Yes, it is painfully familiar—something she's felt before every time she'd see Matty and Liv share brief kisses, or that one particular moment when she didn't mean to watch him bone her senseless.

Jealousy. Or something to close to it.

"Nick? When did that happen? That's unlikely."

Liv rolls her eyes and laughs airily. "Perhaps you should start paying attention to human beings other than your boyfriend, Gracie."

"That's really thoughtful of you to say, Liv. Very touching." Grace says in loud sarcasm. Liv rolls her eyes and mumbles, "Whatever. Though you should know that ever since you've slept with Rich, it's like you have forgotten you have friends."

"Like you were any different when you were with Matty. Or were you so caught that you don't remember?"

And immediately, Franky could see how much Grace regretted her words as soon as they escaped her lips. They strike Liv in a very sensitive spot, that she hastily collects her things and leaves Franky and Grace alone without another word.

A long pause and Franky turns to Grace with a meek smile. "I think you've made her very upset. Are you alright?"

"Apparently... But I didn't mean to be murderous. I guess she's still hung up on Matty."

Franky doesn't know what to respond to that, but she sure knows how that feels.

"I'm going to go find Rich. Hanging out with us later, Franky?"

She looks at Grace apologetically, says, "I don't know. I think I'm going to see how Mini's doing."

"Yeah, you do that," Grace says with appreciation. "Maybe she'd talk to you. You've always been the one to push her."

Franky nods. "And she always pushes back."

* * *

Half-way through third period, Franky hasn't notice Nick's absence until he sneaks inside the classroom quietly. Mr. Hickory catches him of course, and this time he can't make Rugby practice as an excuse when everyone in Roundview knows he's quit the team. So he gruffly sends him to Blood's office instead. As Nick roughly exits the room, Franky can't help but wonder if somehow, Mini has something to do with his tardiness.

She struggles to concentrate for five minutes on quantum physics before she lets herself get lost in thoughts she tries very hard to get away from.

* * *

So as soon as the opportunity arises, Franky decides to find Nick. Unlike before, it's more difficult to spot him around school when he's no longer attached to Rider and his teammates. They were the haughtiest group and there isn't much one can do to ignore them.

Franky's mildly surprised when she finds him alone in the bleachers furiously scribbling on a notebook.

"Nick?" Franky faintly calls out.

He doesn't bother to lift his eyes and continues drawing heavily on the paper. "If you're going to ask me about my brother, I don't know where the fuck he's gone this time."

It takes a great amount of effort to keep her voice from faltering when she says, "Actually, I'm… I was wondering if you've heard from Mini. How is she?"

Nick eyes her suspiciously. "She's…" He hesitates, not sure if he's willing to tell her the truth or not. "She's not. Mini never misses college for fear that people might forget her even for a day. Or that she'd miss a couple of exams and she'll have to work twice harder than she already is. Unlike Grace who's fucking brilliant with everything, Mini needs to earn her As."

Franky takes a deep breath partly from the affirmation, though mostly to swallow her predicament. Aside from that, Franky's quite not sure what to say next, so she accidentally blurs out what has been bouncing back and forth inside her mind lately.

"Why are you being such an asshole to me?"

He laughs briskly, body shaking as he does so. "Because you're being such a cunt, that's why."

"And what the fuck do you mean by that?"

Finally, Nick turns to face her, his solid eyes boring into her deceptively. He holds it for a while, clearly pleased of the expression he elicits from Franky. He puts his notebook into his duffle bag and fling sit over his shoulder. He moves past her, walking a couple of steps before he stops abruptly and glance over his shoulder.

He grows thoughtful for a short while before he says, "You should know, people aren't always going to be there waiting for you to want them back."

* * *

"Nick, I said I don't want to fucking see anyone right now, ok?"

"It's me, Franky."

There's a long pause from the other side of the door until Franky hears the lock being dislodged and when it opens, she comes face-to-face with Mini McGuiness herself.

"Hi."

"Hi."

The first thing she notices is how Mini looks nothing like she expected her to be.

Beautiful—despite those tired eyes that are fixated squarely on hers.

Mini lets her in.

* * *

It's the first time she's been to Mini's room. It's difficult enough to find her house when all of them look exactly the same so she had to call Grace to know her lot number. Truthfully, she couldn't imagine Mini living in this place. It's so solemn and reserved that she wondered for a moment if there are people actually living in the block. She's confused with how Mini keeps up with the silence. It's not that she's judging or anything. She just thinks Mini's too 'colorful' for a home that's too basic and defined.

"I brought you something," Franky says, breaking the awkward silence that has settled over them. She hands Mini a box of brownies, and assures her quickly that they're sugar-free.

Mini accepts it. "Thanks. You didn't think I was sick, did you?" She asks, as Franky watches her takes a speculative bite.

"Are you? It doesn't look like you are. I mean, you look…" _Amazing_, Franky wants to say. "Well. Anyway, it's become a habit in our household to bring something if you decide to show up unannounced, so there."

Mini simply gives her a timid smile and shakes her head weakly. "I guess I'm a healthy as a cow."

Franky ponders about how it's possible to be in the presence of someone who's physically okay but sense an atmosphere of confinement. She remembers being in a hospital when she was younger, and even though she was in a room full of healthy people in white coats, she could feel affliction and illness crawling on the walls.

After a while, Franky clears her throat, thinking of anything worth talking about without going immediately to the topic she'd come for in the first place.

"Where's your mum?"

"I don't know," Mini sighs, dismisses the topic with a wave of her hand. "She's probably drinking her guts off until next morning."

"Sorry," Franky murmurs. She doesn't know anything about Mini's family background and it seemed too personal for her to ask primitively.

"It's fine."

"I see you skipped college today. Is everything alright?"

Mini nods, the corner of her lips tugging upwards into a look that Franky deems as a feeble attempt at lying.

So Franky pushes. "No, I meant... about that night. When you…" Franky allows herself to trail off—Mini exactly knows what she's on about when Franky catches the unsteadiness of her eyes.

And just like that, she loses Mini.

"Mini?" Franky grabs her shoulders gently as if to shake her, but Mini looks so fragile that Franky's afraid any measurement of force would suddenly break her.

"Mini." Franky tries again. Mini continues to look past her, and when Franky gazes into her eyes, she finds them empty.

"Mini!" She cups Mini's face with both hands, searching her face intensely as she repeats her name over and over. "Mini, please, look at me."

Mini finally does blankly. "I had a dream last night. I was being carried off somewhere. It's dark—except for the whites of his eyes and his teeth showing from his grin. And I was afraid of what he might do to me."

She's hearing the onset of the events that transpired a few days ago and it already sounds horrifying. Franky presses her lips together, biting at her own tongue to stop herself from feeling anything else other than the pain from it.

"He's supposed to be in prison," Franky's brows crease into confusion. _What is she talking about?_

"They put him in prison, and promised us he'd stay there and we'll be safe."

_Who is Mini talking about?_"Mini…"

"But then he showed up to hurt me again."

No. This is not real. It's just a dream. This never happened. No.

The color slowly seeps inside those hollow orbs and almost immediately, she doesn't see Mini—only fear. Franky releases a breath that she didn't know she's been holding when Mini finally stops telling her these things. She regrets coaxing her to speak of such things when everything's still too tender to sort out. What she needs to do is to help Mini to make it through the day, and all else will follow.

"Will you stay with me?" Mini whispers, her voice filled with uncertainty.

Franky stares at her, and after a split second her phone rings and Matty's name comes up to the screen. Franky feels the device grow slick in her sweaty palm as she weighs her decision.

"Just for tonight… Please, I don't want to be alone."

Franky glances back and forth between the call and the girl pleading in front of her. Her lips quiver. She's been dreading for Matty and the suddenness of it all makes her dizzy. It's terrible to think that this is the last chance she might have at fixing things between her and Matty, but at the same time, this is also the endgame for her and Mini.

Without tearing her eyes off Mini's, she makes a decision and presses the key.

* * *

**Interpol ice** – I feel great (yes of course, three weeks post-sickness, I should be) Thank you for keeping up with the story mate, now I know how hard it is to write a multi-chapter fic. I swear to never post a story again unless it is finished. Thank you for your wonderful insights as always. I'm cheered up now too

**Barktree**** – **Hi there mj, you finally registered? Sweet. I have so much appreciation for your love of this fic. It really warms my heart and helps me continue. Thank you

**FrenchJuliett**** – **Oh sweetie, it's ok It felt like a filler to me too when I had to split the chapter into two parts. I guess I wanted to emphasize on the scene with Matty and that was difficult for me to write. Anyway, glad that you still like this story, sometimes I get frustrated with it myself. LOL. :) Thanks a lot!

**xXColorblindXx**** – **Wow, thanks for that comment on my writing. I worry a lot about my lack of vocab (I'm too lazy to use other words and you know what they say about writers—it should be a common thing to use at least 10k words as the average person only uses about 3k, or something like that). Thank you, as always

**HellsSaint**– I love dropping those little details, I want to incorporate this as much in my style. Thanks!

**Blue-Eyed-Blonde90**** -** Oh man, I have so much to say. Ok… Re: bond bet. Mini and Nick – Yeah I do love it myself, but I kind of have evil plans (or not) to complicate it and maybe some won't like it but that's just how I see Nick's character. Re: Matty – Me too, it's not that I don't like him. I just can't relate to him. But in this story I kind of feel bad for him because the truth is, he really hasn't done anything to deserve whatever he'll get in this story… so in conclusion, Franky's really the antagonist. HAHA! JK. Re: chapter 7 – I kind of suck with group conversations actually, it was difficult for me to put them together but I love Liv so much that I had to throw her in with the rest. I'm also currently confused myself of when will we be able to draw the line between Franky's feeling for Matty and Mini. It's kind of hard when you're torn between something you think you want and something you think you don't want. Thank you very much for your thoughts. It helps me think about perceptions other than my own.

_Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed__. I'll try to update more frequently as there will only be 4 more updates until the story concludes to an end._


	9. Of Moons, Birds, Monsters

**Author's note: **Warning -Implied violence. Again, I apologize if updates have been scarce lately. I'm trying to overcome my recent unhappiness with life. And frankly, I feel so uninspired lately. So here is the next chapter, only 3 more before we conclude!

On a totally unrelated topic: Have you guys seen X-Men First Class? I loved it! And it totally motivated me to draw something… Just check out .com (and follow me if you have Tumblr!)

* * *

**Chapter 7: Of Moons, Birds, Monsters**

Franky thinks about how there are two types of situations in the world. The first one is witnessing a certain situation—the kind that changes your life in one way or another. The second is when the situation itself is actually happening to you. She's watched Matty in a difficult position—torn between her and Liv. She's seen in his eyes the world blurring into darkness, to nothing. And there's always the nudging feeling that maybe she has something to do with it. But also, there's the guilt that has accompanied her ever since she was a child, so she can't be sure.

And right at this moment, she can't see him—yet she's sure she's inflicted hurt when the words, "I'm sorry" undoubtedly escaped her lips.

_I'm sorry, Matty, but now's not the good time. I care about you, I care about us, but I'm still sorry._ She hates the endless repetition that sounds less sincere every time but it's all she can give him now. That she couldn't talk at the moment, and though an unbearable weight settled over her heart when he said, 'if you don't do this, I can't promise you won't lose me', she couldn't take it back. Not when she noticed Mini's eyes lit up a little when she silently heeded her pleas. So Franky says it again, "I'm sorry.", as she thinks of other ways to apologize without going through the fucking cliché over and over again. Part of her is afraid of what this might mean for them. It's just a fucking phone call, yet Matty's acting like their relationship depended on it.

It seems to her, that she's caught in between seeing and experiencing whatever this is that's happening. She can see—even with her eyes closed— that while she's breaking him bit by bit, she needed Matty.

But Mini needed her.

* * *

She sends her fathers a text message. Although a little hesitant at first, they miraculously agreed to let her stay the night without much question. She thanks them after assuring she'll be home before noon.

Franky makes her bed on the floor, hardly minding the hard surface. She's slept in worse places and Mini's mat actually feels more comfortable than the cushion in her own room.

Mini's looking at her silently. There's a forlorn longing on her face, and she could guess that it's probably from overhearing the bitter conversation she just had with Matty. Franky covers Mini's hand with her own and squeezes it. "I'll be fine," she tells her.

Mini nods, her eyes still downcast, and Franky has the urge to tilt Mini's chin with her fingers and look her into her eyes, tell her things will get better even despite her personal doubts.

She takes her hand away from Franky's warm ones and nestles under the covers. Franky retreats to her own space, feeling the hardwood floor press against her back as she lies down gently.

After a beat, she hears Mini whisper. "Would you mind if in the middle of the night I wake you up?"

"Why would you be up by that time?"

Mini shrugs her shoulders a little. It's a weird idea but she's having episodes of it recently. "I don't know. But I will be."

Franky gets up on her knees and rests her head on the edge of the bed so they're face to face. The sheets are up to the bridge of Mini's nose so that a pair of eyes is only what's visible to the smaller girl.

Franky takes a deep breath, looks at her pointedly and says, "I'm here. Whatever you need, I'll be right by the side of your bed." She senses that Mini wants to laugh at that, but there's so much bad energy that's consuming her and she simply can't.

"I know." Mini mumbles and closes her eyes. "Goodnight, Franky."

"Goodnight…"

* * *

Mini does wake up some time past midnight but she doesn't rouse Franky like she said she would, though she doesn't really need to. Franky can hear the sound of her muffled cries and it takes everything in her not to get up and scoop Mini in her arms and whisper all sorts of comfort that are not. For some time they just lay there- Mini sobbing and Franky listening to her.

It's not too long before Franky hears the rustling of sheets and before she's aware of what's transpired, Mini's kneeling by her side and she has her eyes closed by instinct.

Franky knows it is pointless pretending to be asleep when she's aware of the unevenness of her breathing, but Franky hopes Mini doesn't notice this.

Something pokes at her shoulder and Franky opens her eyes to find Mini staring right at her. She slowly carries herself into a sitting position. Even in the dark, she can trace the outline of the body mere inches away from her. The window is shut keeping off the wind. So when Mini speaks, Franky feels the air vibrate against her cheeks. "I'm sorry...Can I stay here?"

"Is everything alright?"

Mini doesn't even lie. She shakes her head, her lips trembling.

"O-okay… just..." Franky's voice trails off as she makes room for Mini. She attempts to move further away but hands grab her wrist before she makes any other progress.

"Don't pull away… Can you just stay right where you were?"

Franky doesn't say anything in response. She nods her head and goes back to her previous position on the floor, feeling the comforting warmth of body heat ghosting across her skin. Her hand automatically goes to Mini's forehead. She exhales her relief when she finds her temperature normal.

"Thank you…" Mini murmurs so quietly that she almost doesn't catch it

Franky keeps thinking over if any of this is real. Mini's revelation about herself, her relationship with Matty taking a tumultuous turn, being this close to Mini that she can't take air in and out properly...

But eventually, she falls into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Someone's clutching her arm in the morning. Franky's confused for a moment before she remembers yesterday's unlikely events. She immediately finds their position rather unusual given the fact that she's the bigger spoon between the two of them. Franky attempts to move her body, and realizes her entire upper left is numb from where Mini's practically lying on. When she turns to face her, her nose bumps into Mini's forehead softly. She tries to wriggle her arm from the other girl's limbs, but it only causes Mini to stir and snuggles further into her neck.

She can't help but compare this with waking up next to Matty.

(It's kind of unusual to do so when it doesn't concern anything sexual)

There had been a few incidences where she'd woken up in bed with him, but most of the time, she'd find him at the foot of the bed, smoking. Sometimes, he'd be missing altogether and Franky would scribble down a note and head home. Every time that happens, there's something about it that upsets her, as it feels no different to the infamous walk of shame. On a few occasions she had wanted to tell him that it bothers her, but she's learned to keep her mouth shut and not complain.

Things are less complicated that way.

She fears that it will only result to bringing up more ugly things that they've managed to push down and she wants to keep them there... at least for a while.

Without even realizing it, she gently tucks a strand of blonde hair behind Mini's ear. Franky smiles when she hears Mini mumble something incoherent. It has always been a popular gesture – borderline cliché and is often been abused in movies and television but she's never understood why.

Now she does. And it doesn't even occur to her that she finds it rather too pleasant for her taste. But so much has surprised her recently—discoveries she's never even thought of before.

Franky attempts to wriggle her arm out of Mini's possession. She really needs to get up before her dads start bombarding her with stern text messages or dampen the recovery of their trust. They never had a problem with her coming home past midnight, but of course, she's screwed that up.

Franky finds the little alarm clock on the bedside table. She has to smile when she observes how the stuff around her is so…

... Mini. Pink walls, a collage of her friends pictures posted on them. Too many pillows and blankets on her bed. It's like everything around her is soft, gentle and sweet. If she'd seen this during their earlier beginnings, she'd be surprise that the girl who almost ruined her second chance at a decent life, sleeps in this kind of room at night. While Grace's quarters were incredible and looks like something that came straight out of Disney land, Mini's room's as normal as it can be, but maybe a little out of sorts. And it's perfect. Franky prefers a bit of chaos.

She's mildly surprised when Mini stirs beside her and curses her alarm clock for not waking her up sooner than expected. After last night, Franky expected a calmer and more reserved disposition from Mini, but the way she moves her arms as she yawns and the look on her face, it's like...

Everything was just a dream.

And as if Mini has forgotten she didn't spend the night alone, her body collides hard with Franky's which forces the smaller girl to fall back on the ground with a heavy thud, accidentally pulling Mini on top of her.

The strange feeling that coursed through her skin when she held Mini before comes back worse.

"Franky, fuck, I'm-" Mini pushes herself up and off the smaller body beneath her. A blush rises up to her pale cheeks as she tries not to choke on her own words. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

"Uhm... Good morning then."

"Good morning to you too…"

For the next second they find themselves frozen and unable to move. Not quite sure what's the conventional thing to do when you wake up with a friend you're not exactly touchy with. But after a few moments it's Franky who breaks the silence, edging closer to Mini.

"Mini," Franky starts. "I know this is too early in the day to bring up but... Do you want to pick up where we left off last night?"

"Okay." Mini replies softly.

Franky gives her a reassuring smile. She thinks about stroking Mini's hair, but in broad daylight, she can't find in her the courage to do so. "Okay."

It doesn't come pouring out right away. The words bubbles up to the surface in fragments, and Mini contemplates on them, choosing the bits and pieces carefully before she reveals them all to Franky.

"I've never told anyone about this before," Mini gulps hard, her voice thick with tension. "But if I don't talk about to this someone, I think I might go mental."

Franky reaches for her hand, takes it in hers gently. "Tell me. You can trust me."

Mini sighs exasperatedly before she says, "He is my dad."

Franky's forehead creases into confusion as Mini continues. "Henry—my father— got my mum pregnant at seventeen. He left us as soon as he discovered it. But then he came back when I was six and mum took him back. It was a fucking mistake."

"And?"

Mini's eyes suddenly take an interest on the ground.

"And then what, Mini?"

"H-he violated me."

* * *

Though most of the story drowned in the thickness of Mini's voice, it was clear enough for Franky to realize that some wealthy prick offered Mini a drink and a free pass to the VIP room. From the way Mini describes him, he's very promising. Elegant. Someone you won't dare fuck with. And Mini admits that she should've just stuck with them. He tried to kiss her, and she let him- but that's as far as she'd let things go. He wasn't too satisfied with that, but Mini was oblivious to it until she felt her head dangerously swirling and he was saying things too her that were vulgar and malicious.

While hearing all of this, Franky's mouth went dry. There's a certain heaviness that settles in the pit of her stomach that makes her want to throw up. It's a different experience when she receives this kind of story first-hand and from someone she knows she cares about. It's not easy to take it all in.

When they arrive at the part where Mini claims she can't "remember most", Franky knew immediately that this is where everything goes down the drain and the image of her father comes in. Mini doesn't go into details how her father treated her when she was little. Franky doesn't think she'll be able to handle it either if Mini does. She exhales a breath of relief when Mini mentions how someone from the neighborhood reported everything to the police before everything grows worse. But it doesn't make anything better too.

Despite the disturbing image she's painted of her father, Mini decides to leave out some parts that embarrassed her. Like when her mother slipped into depression for some time until one day, she wasn't so depressed anymore. But Mini had to endure all those times with her only family being physically present but emotionally distant. She got through it. Mini concentrated on losing her weight not because it's mandatory but for the reason that it was the simplest thing to do. They don't require much thought, and they keep her away from thinking at all. It's easy to run for miles—the slow strain on her leg muscles feels good when she feels so fucking done. It became a coping mechanism. And when a couple of pricks started noticing the change in her body, it became an obsession. Their attention felt gratifying. Finally, someone's eyes are on her. Except, she finds herself shrinking away every time a boy touches her shoulder or tries to hold her hand.

For a while all thoughts cease to exist. As she tries to overcome the initial shock from the confession, Mini looks at her worriedly, biting her lower lip to keep it from trembling.

"Why didn't you say anything to anyone?"

Mini snaps at her. "I got over it, okay? I've been better since I've diverted my attention to losing weight because I didn't want corn syrup on my face anymore," She stares helplessly at Frank. "Well, they're not as understanding and completely fucking forgiving like you."

Franky's eyes harden. Mini wasn't any different from her. Was that why she had been cruel to her in the beginning? Because somehow, she was a bitter reminder of an awful past she's always trying to get away from?

"Mini..."

"I'm begging you, don't tell anyone about this."

"How can you live with her?"

"She's the only family I have, Franky. Who else is there?"

Franky wants to say, "_Me. You'll have me._" But after everything that has happened between them, it seems unfair to make such claims and promises at the moment.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'm alright. I recovered from it before. I can do it again."

"I know."

Franky rises from the mat and proceeds to check put on some of her clothing.

"Where are you going?" Mini asks, utterly puzzled.

"Get us some breakfast? Blueberry bagels. I'll buy a whole bag since I don't know how many you can eat and I'm sure I'll have at least three because it's my favorite and uhm..."

"Oh," Mini lowers her eyes. "Y-you don't have to buy for me. You know, strict diet and my instructor won't be too happy if—"

"Bollocks. You're eating."

Mini sighs and let her head fall to one side. She's too weary to argue. It's been a long time since she's had the meal with someone other than food guilt, and a part of her wants to share breakfast with Franky. If she's going to be honest, she's a little lightheaded from the care and attention she's been getting from Franky, and it's not something she's ever imagined to happen when not too long ago, Franky told her to stay away. Mini wonders, 'what changed?'

"Alright, one bagel and cottage cheese for me, then." Mini says quietly.

Franky grins. "I'll make it two."

"Franky?"

She turns to look at Mini expectantly.

"Thank you for last night. I never expected you'd come for me."

_Me too_, Franky thinks to herself, but instead she says, "I'm glad you let me."

Mini walks her to the door silently. Mini's right. Her mother isn't home yet. Franky's not in the position to judge, but it makes her kind of glad that she had her foster parents instead of her biological ones. Franky knew how much worse it hurts when someone who's your own blood and skin abandons you.

She just knew.

When Mini swings the door open, they didn't expect someone to be standing right in front of the house at this ungodly hour.

"Nick," Franky detects a fondness intermingled with annoyance in Mini's voice as she pulls open the door wider until Nick discovers Mini's not alone. His eyes automatically lands on Franky. She tries to return the favor, but there's too much suspicion in the way he looks at her. It doesn't help that he's Matty brother and he slightly reminds her of the dreaded call from last night and the nagging feeling of whether or not she'll regret rejecting his attempts to make them better.

"What are you doing here?" Nick and Mini say together.

Mini's quick to respond, "Franky helped me last night."

"Did she?"

"Yes. And everything's well. Now go home. I'll meet you at college."

"It's alright I'll wait for you here. Besides I brought you breakfast," Nick lifts the plastic bag in his left hand. "your favorite low-fat cereals."

Mini's smile is grim. She was supposed to have bagels with Franky.

"I'll see you then?"

She doesn't miss the weird look Nick's sends her way as she leaves the place. Mini, on the other hand, feels an overwhelming urge to murder Nick Levan. As soon as the door closes behind them, she punches him hard on the shoulders. Nick groans, half chuckling as if Mini's attack on him is any indication that she's slightly returning to normal.

"Why the fuck, are you all over the place?"

"I'm trying to be a good mate to you. At least show some appreciation."

"That better be all there is in whatever this is, prick."

"Do you have to be a bitch this early? I haven't slept, my head's fucking killing me and I came here as soon as I could to see if you're okay."

"Sorry,. Though I never asked you to do that for me."

Nick quickly changes the subject. "I'm really surprised to see Franky here. I thought you guys were on the outs."

"Me too. She just showed up last night and—" Mini abruptly stops as she considers if she should let it be known to Nick that she asked Franky to stay. Not when she pushed Nick when he offered comfort. She's afraid that somehow, it'll hurt his feelings when he finds out that she accepted (and begged) Franky's consolation without second thoughts. Nick doesn't know anything about her confusing feelings for Franky. Honestly, she's afraid to confess it to anyone. She managed to handle Liv's knowledge of it because she caught on it herself and knowing Liv, it's not like she's going to shout all over town that she —fuck, it's hard to say even to her self— likes girls.

And worse, she likes Franky Fitzgerald.

"And…?"

"She helped me."

"Helped you how?"

"You know, how friends help each other. Enough with the silly questions already, okay?"

Mini sees a flash of suspicion come across Nick's face but he drops it and starts peeling on a piece of apple he brought with him.

* * *

Franky kicks a pebble off the street.

_Does Mini know?_

It doesn't take a fucking genius to know that Nick's into her. Franky recognized the look he's given Mini. It's specific to Grace and Rich whenever they're together. It's what Liv has for Matty on certain occasions when Franky catches her staring at them No doubt the same Matty has for her. And sort of the way Mini looked when she decided to sleep over. But since when did Nick start looking at Mini like that?

Head down and looking at her feet, Franky makes it to the front door of her house.

She lifts her head and is visibly startled to find Matty right in front of her.

"Hi," Franky says quietly.

"Where have you been?"

"Uhm… I went to buy some bagel."

Matty's eyes automatically searches for a paper bag or any item of sort, but Franky's empty-handed.

Franky senses his reluctance quickly comes up with a a reasonable explanation, silently cursing in her mind how fucking stupid her lie was.

"I-I realized I wasn't hungry after all."

"You were never a good liar, Franky."

"What do you mean?"

Matty just shakes her head and steps into her personal space. "I mean what I mean. You're not a good liar."

"Why have you come here?" Franky breathes exasperatedly. It's starting all over again, the questions that surround them, the headfucks and uneasy conversations that, at first, were what magnetizes them together. She loves Matty. But she no longer knows how much.

"I thought you didn't want me anymore." She adds when she's met with a long uncomfortable silence.

"I lied." Great. They're both liars. Except only one of them is good at it. "I love you."

Franky' not sure if she's heard it right, or if she's just looking for a proper way to hear it. She had wanted to hear those words from Matty instead of silent affirmations that never did much for her. She's mortified when it doesn't seem to hold any effect on her. Now she has no idea if she's disappointed with Matty or with herself for not feeling a lingering sensation upon hearing it.

Franky's unable to think about anything.

"Franky?" Matty cups her face. "Didn't you hear me? I love you."

"Oh..."

"Whatever it is that fucked up everything, I'm ready to forget them." A beat. "If you are."

Franky looks at Matty and thinks about the lengths she's gone with him and how they're too built up and precious to waste. She thinks about Mini, and the way she kissed her within the confines of bathroom walls.

"I am."

* * *

Things are normal for a while. She and Matty tries to avoid any topic related to their ill situation, acting as if it never existed in the first place. It's working for now, and they still enjoy each other's company, though Matty's kisses grow more and more futile every time. Franky forgets about what happened between her and her biological parents when she visited them. She forgets about Mini and that unpleasant night where she though she'd lost someone she never knew could make her feel so frightened. She tries to forget the unusual feeling she gets when Mini would look at her with such fondness and appreciation. But she can't. Not since they started hanging out more often and things are going back to the way they were before the almost -wedding.

That is until Rich asks everyone to join him into following Napalm Death on tour. It sends Alo to cheer "Road trip! Road trip!" until everyone else in the common room's sneering at him. They all loved the idea at once, so they're astonished when it's Franky who snaps.

"Are you out of you fucking mind?"

"Franky." Grace automatically defends her man, while Rich is obviously bewildered.

"What the fuck is that? Did I say something to offend you?"

"It hasn't been that long since Mini was—" Franky stops herself abruptly, but they knew right away what she was about to mention in a fit of rage.

Mini finally speaks up, "I'm totally fine. I don't really follow metal, and I won't touch it with a ten feet pole, but... I think I'm up for it."

Rich's obviously pleased. "That's cool then. Who else?"

"Mini," Franky's tone is hard and firm. It's enough for Mini to look at her unbelievably.

"I think Franky's right." Nick says.

Rich turns to Nick incredulously, then to everybody and says, "Will anyone tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Mini shrugs it off easily, putting on a bright smile because really, everything is fine.

"Nothing is going on, Rich. Now when is this tour, you say?"

"Three days from now."

"Excellent!" Mini chirps happily. It's so child-like that for a moment, Franky wanted to convince herself that this idea is completely fine.

"You're all fucking unbelievable." Franky mumbles before she hastily leaves the room, but not before letting her eyes linger pointedly at Mini. She can feel them staring after her with dumb expressions on their faces. She honestly doesn't understand herself either. But what she does know is it scares the shit out of her if the same thing ever happens to Mini again.

_To be continued…_

* * *

_**Blue-Eyed-Blonde90**__ – Oh… Nick's not evil. He's just a confused teenager who happens to have spend a lot of time around one gorgeous Mini McGuiness ;) I just happen to see the light at the end of this tunnel, so it is coming to an end but the remaining chapters will be longer, I think. Mini's quite good at pushing down bad feelings, I hope this chapter has given a little explanation on how and why. Oh thank you! I'm having a hard time getting back into my usual strong self after being sick for two weeks. I still can't keep away from dieting(and they say it's bad when you're over active physically) I guess I have a little of Mini's distaste for food that's stuffed with calories. Thank you again for keeping up with me! _

_** – **__But it's not really as dark as I wanted it to be. I've been an avid reader of dark angsty fics but I never thought it would be difficult to write one. Maybe it's because I'm still self conscious as a writer. Things that are considered taboo still kinda makes me blush :P Thank you for your concern! Hope all is well with you too and I'm doing quite okay too!_

_**FrenchJuliett **__– You must update your fic! I'm sure your readers are dying to know what happens next… Aww… You really know how to make me melt with your kind words __ I want to thank you for your support of this fic and I hope I'm still giving quality updates _

_**Alice h., HellSaint**__ – As always, thank you for such compliments __ Warms my heart._

_**Kendralynora **__ - hi there! Oh my, I'm sorry if this story wasted your Saturdays, I do that to every weekend (well if I'm honest, I do that every night) __ Thanks for reading and reviewing!_

_**sophia666**__ – I can't relate to Matty too… He was more boring than mysterious in the series so I'm trying to stay true to that character they built in the show. Anyways, I'm glad you liked this fic __ Thank you very much!_

_**FireBluez1115- **__Well, everything has an end. I really don't want this story to turn into some kind of mini series where I just continue writing about them rather than the story I originally intended to write for them. Thank you for reading and reviewing! _

_And to everyone who's still keeping up with me, thank you thank you thank you!_


	10. Rootless Tree A

_A/N: First of all, sorry if it took me this long to update. I swear I wanted to finish this story, but a lot has happened since July. For one, there was this girl who took over my head for 2 months and I couldn't write a SINGLE DAMN THING even if I wanted too. I can't write whenever I'm happy._

_It's only half of the update. As much as I want to give it all, I don't do anything half-assed, as I'm still trying to get everything back on track. But to all those who are still with me, read on._

* * *

_**8a –Rootless Tree**_

_- And here we are rebuilding roads,_

_Right by roosting towns_

_It's just like a love_

_The one that's never been enough_

_- Bon Iver (brackett, wi)_

They're all starting to get old. The partying, the drugs, the booze, the sex—they're all slowly melting into meaninglessness. Mini wonders if all the others feel the same way. Or are they just all wearing the same bored expression she's wearing herself because apart from those, they had nothing else to do?

Was it because they're all clueless about who they are and what they want in life?

Mini had always known what she wanted. She knew how to get them. She wanted to have a nice figure, and so she dutifully disciplined herself to working out everyday and controlling her food intake every now and then. She wanted a boyfriend to furnish her near-perfect image and she had Nick. She had always been so sure. Though that never meant she always admitted to herself every single thing her heart longed for.

Like Franky. Mini doesn't suppress a chuckle when she remembers how she felt scattered everywhere when Franky almost ran her over. Suddenly, Mini felt her everywhere, and she didn't know what to do. That was the moment Mini discovered that internal war does exist. That it's possible for your heart to want some things that may never sit well with your head.

Her heart taught her how to care. But her mind told her how to be jealous. Her heart taught her to be bold and take whatever the world has to offer but her mind never reminded her to share.

Then only this week, Franky _converged_ her. And that's when everything fell into place for Mini. Because now she understood, that it doesn't have to be that way. If she loves Franky, then she'd also love whatever makes her feel okay. She'd love her happiness, even if it didn't include her.

Wait—love? Yeah, maybe Mini loves her. Maybe in a different way she loves Liv and Grace. Maybe it's a little bit more than a love she's ever felt for someone. That should tell her why she was scared in the beginning, and why in the end, this fear was banished in an instant when Frank chose to stay that night.

So when Rich came up with the idea of road trip (sort of, because Napalm Death will be all over England, and maybe beyond) she had been more than willing to participate, and not weigh down the group with a petulant no.

It was a good start and they all looked at her with weird expression on their faces as if to say, "Fucking really? You're not putting up a fight on this?"

What she hadn't anticipated though, was Franky's reaction which sent her back at square one thinking, what had gone wrong this time?

* * *

Franky doesn't show up on the day they leave for the tour. Mini avoids Nick's gaze as he informs them that Matty won't make it today, but he'll follow them at the opening of the tour. Things are still a bit sketchy between Franky and Rich too, and they haven't spoken to one another since Franky bolted on everyone three days ago. Alo and Rich loaded the truck while Nick accompanied the girls to buy snacks and drinks and shoplift a few bottles of beer as well.

Grace is quiet as she surveys the isle for basic necessities such as toilet papers and cheap toothbrush. Apparently, most of the boys only brought some clothes and were lacking almost every product required for basic hygiene.

"You ok, Grace?" Liv asks all of the sudden as she discreetly tucks a Snickers bar inside her pocket.

"Fine." Grace answers, exactly in a way she did when she rehearsed a scene with Mini in it. That, in its self told them otherwise.

Liv frowns and presses on. "Are you sure about that?"

Grace ignores her and proceeds to the next aisle. "I presume at least one of us is going to get wasted on the road, so I'm grabbing all the water I can fit in my arms."

Nick gives her a dirty look which Grace returns with pleasure. "Yes, I'm talking about you Nick."

"Whoa! Seize fire, princess. Besides, I'm going to be on my best behavior. Isn't that right, Mins?" He winks at Mini, flashing a shit-eating grin that couldn't be any less than a Levan trademark. Liv's gaze bounces from him to Mini and she shakes her head. Whatever's going on, she doesn't like it. She'd seen that look on Nick's face. It's what he used to have for her and never for Mini when they were together. She keeps this to herself though, smirking to herself before turning to towards a shelf of candies and subtly sneaking a few inside her jacket's inner pocket, right where they're safe.

"Hey Nick, why don't you go over there and… I don't know, make your self useful? Grab a toothbrush or something." Liv says, and Nick scampers off, but not before muttering some profanity directed at her.

Mini snorts, rolling her eyes. It's been a long time since she's had a good time. But despite this, she still can't betray her feelings of disappointment upon seeing it's highly probably that Franky won't be joining them. It could have been a good opportunity to try their friendship without complications and misunderstandings. It really could.

Liv turns to Mini, her eyes scanning her flat coat and asks, "Aren't you going to...?"

"What?" Mini asks, voice laced with confusion.

Liv makes some random gestures with the hand inside her pocket, indicating the stuff she illegally picked from the store.

"Oh." Of course, she used to be the one who steals a lot. "No, thanks I'm good." Mini explains with a smile.

"Here," Liv unloads some candies, shoving them into Mini's jacket.

"Make your pockets useful and hold these for me, will you? I'm grabbing more beer."

Typical Liv. Mini wonders for a moment if like weed, Liv gets her high from this. She feels them in her pocket, remembering a time when she didn't give much thought about anything she says or do.

* * *

Click.

Franky lazily glances at photo she just took. She'd been in her room for hours, refusing to get out of bed, taking pictures of the ceiling. She'd learn a few things during the short time she'd spent shooting the blank concrete above her head. Most of them weren't about photography or ceilings.

Some of them were about her self. Most of them were about Mini.

Franky makes sure she's locked the door before she dives a shaking hand inside her jacket's inner pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. Her dads won't be pleased if they ever find their adopted daughter sneaking cigarettes or rolls of spliff inside their house. She sticks a Marlboro into her mouth, and deeply inhales, willing to calm her senses as she tries to wrap her head around her recent fit.

The last time this happened was when Mini McGuiness bared her past, flaunting its ugly head across the hall, while up front appearing all innocent and clueless about it.

The last time this happened, it's because Mini's pushed the limits and she's had enough.

And now, it's because she can't even think about Mini without the fear that something wrong might happen again. What's even more unnerving is the realization that she's never cared for anyone this much before. She's even more mortified to find out that she doesn't absolutely have any idea how it happened.

Click. It happened, just like that. A flash of light blinded her eyes and when she opened them again, she looked at things differently. It's like suddenly, she was no longer seeing in black and white. There were colors. They were blonde, pale and freckled.

They were beautiful.

Then her mind drifts to Matty. And she tries hard to remember how they shared a connection and how she thought it was anything but ordinary. How exclusive it was and not at all friendly, but during the difficult times where Matty had to earn back some of his father's trust, Franky couldn't care any less. She tried to find it in herself to be involved, but in the end he had avoided her, pushed her away.

And she was okay. It didn't affect her that sometimes he won't let her in.

"Franky!" James voice booms from the living room. "Someone's here to see you!"

_Shit. _Franky scampers towards the windows, opens them wide open, letting the smoke escape her bedroom leisurely. She grabs a near empty bottle of perfume and proceeds to spray it all over her lithe body. Next she gets out of her sleepwear and put on a decent tank. She grabs a pair of khakis that has been lying around for ages on her bed. She glances at mirror quickly. Finally, she takes a deep breath before dashing downstairs, willing her perfume to win over the smell of nicotine which is stubbornly clinging onto her skin.

Yep, it's a bad idea to do that in her room.

She fails to hide it though, when James grimaces right when she breezed by him.

Matty's waiting for her at the door.

* * *

It's no surprise, but that doesn't mean Franky's ready to deal with him (or if she's being completely honest, anyone) yet. She hasn't figured out any explanation for her interesting behavior lately, and she's not sure if she'll ever come up with one at all.

"I've been thinking," he clears his throat. "We should be honest once and for all."

Franky nods once and they head outside, where if not for the bleakness of their faces it should be easy to say that it's going to be a fine morning.

They stop by a neighboring playground, and sits side by side on the swing. It's Matty who breaks the long silence.

"You've changed."

Franky looks up at him. "No, I haven't." She hasn't. She's still the same person who made an awkward entrance, who got her face shoved in the mud when the morning's not even far from over.

She's still Franky... except she isn't. Matty told her otherwise.

"You have, and it's so fucking obvious."

"What do you want from me?"

Matty's eyes widen in surprise and hurt, because really, why does she even have to ask that?

"I want you, Franky." After a beat, he adds, "There, that's exactly what I'm talking about."

"You need to stop talking in riddles, Matty. I'm not up for some fucking mind games. What's going on?"

He stares at her, the truth struggling free from his mouth. "You don't love me anymore..."

It hit Franky unexpectedly like a lightning. The worse kind, the one that strikes a person dead in no time.

She felt terrible at once, knowing how much she'd been aware of that long before today. Maybe longer before he figured it out.

"Matty..."

"...You love her." He finishes flatly with a humorless smile.

Franky quietly moves herself back and forth, her eyes being unable to focus on anything else but the solitary grass beneath her feet.

Thing is, she's not entirely sure she'd be telling the right thing with neither a 'yes' or a 'no'. Because if she's being completely honest— and she's never really been that- then she'd tell Matty how she wanted to kiss Mini again, to see if she does. If something's there. Except, she can't really tell Matty how much the mere thought of it is making her tremble. That she's scared of what's going to come when she does, because she's losing control.

So Franky settles with, the one thing she does know. "I just care about her, Matty."

"That's alright. I know. I can see it."

Franky nods, and suddenly, it's like she too, is coming to terms with herself. It seems though that he wants to say something else, but thought better of it.

"So I guess I have to leave now." Matty finally says it like a grand conclusion, even though Franky can't really tell when things began and where it ended.

She wants to ask what he means— if he's just saying a temporary goodbye much like 'see you later' or if he's going to disappear again- but in the end she keeps her silence.

She watches him go, notices the slight slump in his shoulders as he disappears around a corner. With Matty nowhere in sight, she wonders what to do next.


	11. Rootless Tree B

**Rootless Tree - B**

She's learned to fit in by herself.

Well, not really fit in, but maybe— maybe she's learned to be _okay_ with fitting in once in a while, like it's not particularly a problem to be not different from _them_. And anyway, she doesn't feel the need anymore to put her defenses up around her friends. _Her friends_. They've come a long way, didn't they? Nobody's stuck with her this long. Not even Dean.

Yes, that's what—who they are to Franky. Friends. Except for one, maybe. Because she's… she's something else.

(And deep inside, she hopes she still has Matty too).

She glances briefly at her reflection. O her wiry frame is a simple black tee that hung loosely right above her hips. On her leg were washed-out jeans she _almost_ forgot she had in her closet. Franky tries to remember how she acquired them, but then again, she doesn't really remember last year and prior. They were her nightmares. She left them all behind now. So when she stands in front of the mirror, she feels comforted. She's never smiled once before, because she always thought what she sees isn't worth smiling for.

But today, she does. She lets the corners of her lips curl a little. Just a bit. For starters, you know?

Besides, she's going to follow some heavy metal on tour. With probably the most insane people she knows.

And she's going to see _her_. Franky's going to make things right once and for all.

* * *

The band hasn't arrived yet.

But the party's already starting.

They're in an open field, and Nick Levan's all over her _personal_ space. It shouldn't be this hot when the air's considerably colder than usual, but she feels a sweat trickle from behind her ear and down to the pale column her neck.

It's stream of bodies everywhere around her, and they never seem to end. They're soaking up the atmosphere and she wishes she can breathe without Nick noticing it.

They're _that_ close. Their practically fucking pressed against each other. And she can feel he's _enjoying_ it. And this moment feels as if it's already happened before.

But of course. They were lovers. Or not, because she can't, won't call it that. They hooked up.

Mini's efforts to get him off her radar are pointless. She's going to need more than a shrug, an occasional nod to fend him off...

But maybe it's not what she thinks it is. He's being friendly...

A hand touches the small of her back—

... Or a little bit friendlier than usual.

– And then it moves lower in an achingly slow manner.

Fucking friendliest he's ever been.

For a moment she desperately wants Alo around, to distract Nick at least. Mini sighs and finally spins around to face him. She doesn't have any clue what to ask of him, if she even needs to clear up whatever this means. But then her eyes meet his and she's speechless. He's looking at her in a way that she believes he's not supposed to.

"Mini, I'm—this—I've been thinking about…" He starts to say, when someone bumps—literally crashes—on her back, nearly knocking her and Nick off the ground.

"Mins! Where the fuck have you been—never mind, you've got to see this..."

It's Liv to her rescue. Mini allows herself to be dragged into an even more populous corner of the room. Whatever Nick was trying to say— _Mini just knows what it is_—she chooses not hear them.

* * *

She's expecting some drunken exhibitionists, when Liv stops in her tracks and takes Mini's arm.

"I swear he was about to fucking kiss you like old times." Liv says, smirking like she knew it all along. "Guess you didn't see that one coming did you?"

"He'd been a really good mate the past weeks." Mini says exasperatedly.

Liv looks amused. "Well, aren't they predictable? Put them aside, and they'd change their mind."

"I don't want to screw with his head, Liv."

"Then don't."

Mini studies her curiously and says, "Wait, you didn't… get jealous, right?"

Liv smirks. "Hardly," She continues. "He's good for the sex but you know I got over that too quickly." Mini lets out a snort just before Liv adds, "Look, something's up with Grace and I'm concerned that it has something to do with our favorite boyfriend." Mini rolls her eyes. Of course, it always has something to do with him.

"We'll look out for her, Mins." Liv adds.

Mini nods without hesitation and says, "Have you spoken to her?"

"No. And I was surprised when I didn't saw her with you."

Mini swipes her tongue over her lips, her eyes scanning the area. _Where oh where could princess Grace possibly be?_

"Let's get going then." Mini huffs, but when she tugs on Liv's arm she's met with resistance. She follows Liv's trail of sight and finds…

Her breath hitches. She's here? What changed her mind?

She feels her heart pound a million beats per second, and it's so unsettling, that she has to grip her chest in response, because there's a person who can do these things to her. Who can make her feel like this and it's like—it's like being in prison, but it feels amazingly good.

"I guess I'll see you later, yeah?" Liv says knowingly. "I'll text you when I find Gracie. Hey, Franky."

"Hey."

And then Liv's gone.

With trembling feet, Mini takes the three full strides to Franky and says, "What are you doing here?"

"Hi," Franky greets her with a smile.

"Hi, Franks," Mini bites her lower lip. "I thought you weren't going."

Franky frowns. "Why did you think that?"

"Uhm, yeah, I don't mean to—"

"It's okay, Mini." Mini's heart flutters off her chest. She takes a deep breath and says, "How've you been?"

She mentally slaps herself because, really? Out of a hundred phrases that she wants to say out loud in front of this girl, that's what she comes up with? Franky's smile doesn't waver at all. A flustered Mini is a sight to behold.

"Any particular aspect you have in mind?"

"Everything," Mini says. "Whatever… just, we haven't really talked about.. you know."

Franky tilts her head in full comprehension. "Fine, I guess. Concert's... okay. Not really my thing but, I really want to be here."

Mini's smile travels to her eyes. "I'm glad to hear that, uhmm..." She shifts on her feet, tucking a stray lock behind her ears. "So, where's— where's Matty?"

Franky shrugs. "Who knows?" And those two words lit Mini up even more.

"You guys aren't—"

"Actually, I came here for you."

She did? God, what is happening?

"That's…" Mini drags her tongue over her teeth, looking for words. Damn it, where were they? "… utterly unusual," She clears her throat. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"I-I don't know…" Mini sighs, defeated. She's fucked.

Franky chuckles warmly, because this is not a conversation at all. Or at least this isn't the conversation that played out in her head earlier inside the bus. Everything about this spells _awkward_, but it couldn't be more perfect. The lighting, the sardonic setting, the proximity—it overwhelmed them to the point of crazy.

"I feel it too. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out but I can't—I can't pretend anymore, okay? I can't push down what has bubbled through the surface just because it completely fucks with what I thought I knew," Franky pauses for a short moment, making sure that Mini's heard every word. When the freckled blonde didn't respond, she continues, "Because everything else had been taken away from me. And that time you kissed me, it felt like you took something away from me."

Franky draws a deep breath after. She isn't exactly ready for what comes next but this, she finally feels—

Weightless.

And when she pushes herself up on her toes, she easily takes Mini's bottom lip in a brief kiss—or it was, because Mini's arms automatically wraps around her tiny waist, effectively trapping Franky to herself, not letting go.

When the need for air comes critically, they gently pry away from one another but not before Mini whispers, "I wanted you. I still want you."

Franky could only nod; her own thoughts had already left her a hundred seconds ago. The noise from behind them drowns completely, both of them only aware of each other's breathing.

And their hearts beating in a synchronized rhythm.

But it also doesn't feel like the end, because they knew they had a lot to sort out before they start anew.

"Come on," Franky grabs her hand gently, effectively pulling the dazed girl in front of her, and Mini gasps at the immediate warmth seeping through her skin.

"Where are we going?" Mini asks, curious nonetheless, yet she doesn't really care.

Franky looks over her shoulders and Mini can make out just a slight shade of color in her eyes. In the dark, they flicker with a promise.

"Anywhere but here."

* * *

He's been so close to telling her.

Or using his mouth for something else, except this isn't another stupid impulse spurred by his rampant boy hormones.

He doesn't want to fuck it up this time. Nick had gathered his thoughts and took a moment to build up some courage, so he could tell her…

… But then Liv had to whisk her away to far unknown parts of the field. Fucking great timing. He followed them, albeit subtly. He couldn't let her out of his sight.

And then Franky's there.

And he watched the sudden change in Mini's feature as if he's gazing at a sunset as it unravels itself one last time.

He knew immediately what it meant. He clenched his fist, digging his nails into his palms until it hurt. Until it broke his skin and the tension rushes out of his system like a dam bursting.

* * *

They're not even through with the second song when they find Grace and Rich far away enough from the mob, in a fury, like it's almost impossible for them not to imagine steam coming out of their ears, and fire on their heads.

"What the fuck's going on?" Alo gapes at the couple.

Franky releases herself from Mini's hold right before Liv's curious eyes drifts towards their joined hands. They weren't going to make a statement. They weren't going to say _anything_ because things had just started clearing up but it didn't stop Mini from feeling slightly thwarted.

It's ironic—how once she always cared about what other people think, what they say, and what they expect of her and now…

… Now she just wants them to know that she has _Franky_. By her side. In her arms. And there's just a different kind of happiness flowing under her skin right now, and while she wants to get them out for the world to see, it's just inappropriate.

Some other time, maybe—when Grace's doesn't look like she wants to murder Rich or herself at least.

"But Rich, we talked about this. You said you'd come to my recital. This important to me," At this, Liv moves behind Grace, her hand coming to rest on Grace's trembling shoulders.

"I came, didn't I? I watched you perform when—"

"When you were deaf and your music got rid of you. I'm not asking you to like what I do, okay? All I'm asking for is that you make me feel like you care about me."

"You— you're one to talk. You don't think I know you're just pretending to like the shit I'm into, but I know you came all the way here to get away from David."

Mini places a hand on Grace's shoulder as her friend goes rigid, before she trembles beneath her palms. She recognizes this scene well enough to know it's going to end up pretty badly.

"Hold up, maybe we can—" Alo tries but Rich shuts him up with a stern, "Stay out of this, Alo."

Grace is a sobbing mess. "No Rich, I came here because of you, just like I listened to metal and changed my appearance for you. But you don't get to treat me that way and not care if it hurts me because it seems as if you're so convenient to know that I always put up with your shit!"

Grace hastily gathers her belongings.

"Where you going? It's- it's not yet-"

"It's over. I'm done."

"How long this time?"

Grace shakes her head, wet droplets landing on soft material of her bag.

"Grace."

"Goodbye, Rich."

"Grace! Wait—" Liv shouts, she looks at Mini, as if silently asking her for something. _We'll look out for her, Mins._ Liv purses her lips and heads out, following her best friend.

"What did you do, mate?" Alo whispers from behind, struggling to focus his eyes that were now clouded from the effects of weed and alcohol.

Rich's shoulders drop. "I fucked up, is what I did."


End file.
